"But the dream, the echo, slips from him as quickly as he had found it and as consciousness comes to him (a slap and not the gentle waves of oceanic tides), it dissolves entirely. His muscles relax as the cold claims him again, as the numbness sets in, and when his grey eyes open, there’s nothing but the faint after burn of a dream often trod and never remembered." --Brigade, written by Laura
You've got a heart as loud as lions, so why let your voice be tamed?
Kick. Kick kick. Nudge kick nudge.
Yes, yes, okay already, baby. I hear you, I hear you. I’ll go find your daddy. It has, after all, been all of a couple of hours since little moonbeam and I were last all snuggled up to its daddy, cuddling and touching and cozy as hell even in the still-chilly early spring morning. The snow might have melted, but I’ve never been able to resist a good cuddle, and my Rhory Lionheart is the best cuddler in the world.
Even without the added benefit of getting to kiss him whenever I want.
Just the thought is enough to make me go all melty, and baby gives a happy little wiggle and settles down as I walk home. Not that I’ve wandered far, mind. I wouldn’t dare, not with as much work as it is at this point. Here’s hoping Rhory hasn’t either, because if I have to go actually looking for him we could be in a for a world of grump later. One more little thumping kick to my insides, which I choose to take as the baby rolling its eyes at me.
Yes, well, true enough. Getting to cuddle with your daddy is worth a little aching and discomfort. But I’ll still probably grump about it. A gentle little nudge, and all is quiet on the Arrya’s-guts front for a little while as I slowly waddle my way back to our cozy little nook in the forest of Sylva.
Rhory isn’t there when I arrive, but I’m tired by now. Far too tired to set out looking for him. Even if baby’s gonna thump my ribs for it, I settle down for a little nap, curled up in the shelter of our favorite trees. It’s only a halfway nap, really. Without somebody watching my back, I keep an ear out for any kind of danger. We haven’t encountered any predators or anything in Sylva yet, but it’d be just my stupid luck to get eaten by the only bear in the world or something just days before popping out a baby.
No thanks.
Well or at least I try to stay half-awake. Turns out I’m maybe a little more tired than I expected, because I’m out like a particularly exhausted little light in a matter of moments. The predicted kick to my ribs only half-wakes me, and then I’m back to sleep before baby can sass me too much. I’m sure it’ll have plenty of chances to do so before too long now anyhow.
You've got the light to fight the shadows, so stop hiding it away.
I have died every day waiting for you.
Darling, don't be afraid. I have loved you for a thousand years.
The winter has gone by in a blur.
His days and nights have been spent in Arrya’s embrace, every waking moment in awe of the wonder that has become his life. He’d never thought he’d be here, in this place, in this position. He’d never thought this possible.
He’d thought his fate was loneliness, to live out his days wishing happiness on his best friend and the girl that could never be his. The happiness that could never be his.
And yet here he is.
He’s still having trouble believing this is it, this is real. He wakes to her lying at his side ever morning, and every day he has the pleasure of watching their child (their child!) growing inside her. All of it still feels very much like a dream. The best possible dream.
On this particular morning he’d struck out on his own for once, hoping to give Arrya the opportunity to rest (though he doubts she’s using it), and to finally get to know his new homeland a little better. He’s done a little exploring by this point, but he’s now anxious to return. Part of him almost expects her to disappear if he stays away for too long.
A small relieved smile crosses his face when he returns to their favourite place among the trees, and finds her drowsing in the shade. He steps softly over the moss, not wanting to startle her, then lowers his scarred muzzle to gently brush her cheek. “And how are you today, my love?” He still feels a thrill, saying those words. His love. His one and only.
You've got a heart as loud as lions, so why let your voice be tamed?
My body might be chilly, but in sleep I forget all about that. In my dream, I’m nestled right up against my love, face pressed against the side of his neck, my body still small enough to fit comfortably against him instead of bulging out like a great big elephant. Ugh, they carry their babies for way longer than we do, and if I were awake, my back would be aching in sympathy. Well and just aching in general. ‘Cause, well, super goddamn pregnant.
Lucky for me I’m tucked away in a cozy little dream.
And in that dream, I trace the line of my love’s shoulder with my lips, burrow into him and breathe in his scent, trying to get close enough to make that exquisite scent part of me, to rub up against him and cover myself in it so I can carry him with me even when we’re apart. And maybe it even works, because even as I start to wake I can smell him--oh.
Well fine, then maybe I just conjured him up with a dream, that works too. Because his lips brush against my cheek, and I turn my face up to return the caress. “Mmm. Cold. You should come cuddle me. Baby and I missed you. Came home instead of trying the whole dumb social thing again. I suck at it, don’t know why I bother when I’d rather just be tucked up against your side all cozy and warm.”
Well yes I do know why I bother. I want the baby to have a home, and friends, and people who love it. More people than just me and Rhory, though we already love it like crazy. I want to set a good example for our little one, and help it figure out how to be close to people when sometimes that feels like the hardest thing in the whole world. I want my baby to grow up happy and wrapped up in all sorts of love. I can’t really give it the big family I never had. Almost had, when I was part of Gendry’s. Kinda drove a wedge between us when I threatened his baby sister after she got him almost killed. Because I’d been his first, and theirs only after. And now that I’m not that, well.
Anyhow.
So I don’t have much of a family to offer the baby. I never really had my own, and Rhory’s was...well, terrible. Poor love. We promised a long time ago to be each other’s family, and I love that we are. I just don’t want my baby to grow up lonely like I’ve been. Especially since there’s still no sign of little one’s big sisters. It’ll grow up feeling like an only child unless I can find them. So it’s even more important that...that the baby has somebody to show it how to make friends.
Except I’m sort of shitty at that.
I sigh and try to shrug off the...whatever, the awkward unhappiness or the feeling like I’m fucking up already or whatever, I’m not so great at the feelings thing either, okay? It’s part of my dubious charm. Or at least that’s what I’ll tell myself. “Grumpy apparently. Or...something, I don’t know. Need my Rhory Lionheart. And baby’s happier when we’re with you too. Today feels like a day to not be wandering.”
You've got the light to fight the shadows, so stop hiding it away.
I have died every day waiting for you.
Darling, don't be afraid. I have loved you for a thousand years.
She responds at this touch, turning her face up to him to return his affections. He can’t help but grin at her answer - “I might just take you up on that offer.” He holds off though, just for a moment as he lips gently at her mane (as he knows that once he does lie down beside her, he’ll never want to get up). “Aww, surely it wasn’t that bad?” He knows that Arrya can be a bit on the sassy side, but it’s hard to imagine anyone not loving her (though he knows well that he’s biased in this regard).
He smiles when she reveals she’s a little on the grumpy side, and can’t help but nudge at her playfully. But the smile quickly evolves into another grin when she says that the baby is happier when he is near.
The baby …
It’s still so strange to think about. Only a year ago he would have never thought this possible. He would have never imagined that he and Arrya would be here, living together, in a relationship, with a child on the way.
His mind wanders for a moment, daring to imagine. What will their child be like? Will it be a boy or a girl? Will they take after their dopey father (he hopes not), or their beautiful spitfire of a mother?
And what kind of father will he be? It’s a scary question. He knows at least, that he will not be as horrible a parent as Syntyche (it would be hard to be as terrible a parent as her, really) … but will he be enough? A terrible part of him doesn’t think so … but it’s too late now. The child in Arrya’s womb is stuck with him.
He sighs, then lies down at Arrya’s side, snuggling in tight, still able to revel in the feel of her at his side. Voice barely above a whisper, he admits, “I’m nervous.” He can’t meet her eyes - he’s ashamed of his fear.
You've got a heart as loud as lions, so why let your voice be tamed?
“Aww, surely it wasn’t that bad?”
He’s cute, my Rhory. Thinks I’m not as bad at the social thing as I am. Such a sweetheart. I smile and brush my lips against his cheek, pausing just a moment to breathe in his scent before I retort, “I’ve made all of one friend this whole time, love. Kade, the stallion I dragged home with me, him and his not-his-lady and kid? And I guess if you count Zin, but she can’t talk back. She might like me okay, at least. I choose to assume she does. Hasn’t left yet, anyhow, which seems promising enough.” And it is nice having a friend I’m going through all this pregnancy stuff with. She lets me bitch, wears that commiserating expression on her face like she hears me and sympathizes...or possibly like she’s putting up with my complaining out of the goodness of her shiny orange heart, one of the two.
Anyhow.
I maybe got a little distracted, but when I look Rhory’s way it’s pretty clear he did too. Those summer sky blue eyes of his are all misty and distracted, and he’s staring at my belly like he’s daydreaming again. And just like that, all my grump washes away and I’m ridiculously squishy happy. He lies down next to me, and I snuggle up against him the best I can - which at this point has gotten admittedly a little complicated due to baby’s significant expansion of my belly.
Oh, and baby’s happy too. It wriggles around a bit, settling in for a cuddle with its daddy, and I can almost picture it not too very long from now, squirming its way in between us to snuggle up and get all cozy like. Ha, baby’s definitely part mine. It’ll be all about the cozy cuddle time with its daddy, I’d bet just about anything on that. All the more reason to get my Rhory cuddles in while I can.
That sigh, though.
I lean into my Rhory and rub the side of my face against his neck. “You kidding me?” I ask, when he admits he’s nervous. “Baby’s so damn lucky to have you as its daddy. You’re gonna do great. You’ll love it like mad, already do. Just haven’t met it face to face yet. Nobody in the whole wide world has ever loved anybody the exact same way you’ll love this kid. Our baby. Yours and mine, can you believe that?” I nudge him playfully and meet those summer sky blue eyes of his with a soft little smile.
“It’s okay to be nervous, babe. It’s okay to be scared. God knows I’m nervous too, about giving birth again, about everything going okay, about whether the kid’ll like me--if it’s anything like me it’ll love the shit out of you the second it lays eyes on you though, you’ve got nothing to worry about on that front. But you’re a good man, Rhory Lionheart. And you’re gonna be a great dad. I promise.”
You've got the light to fight the shadows, so stop hiding it away.
12-24-2016, 02:09 AM (This post was last modified: 12-24-2016, 02:10 AM by Rhory.)
I have died every day waiting for you.
Darling, don't be afraid. I have loved you for a thousand years.
God, she’s so beautiful.
He’s distracted for a moment, just drinking her in. He’s still having a hard time believing that this is it, that this is really happening. After decades of being on his own, of staying away from her and Gendry to let them have a happy life …
It’s just hard wrapping his head around it.
But she’s talking, and he has no time to get lost in wonder. She has a new friend … a stallion by the name of Kade. He’s surprised by the sudden flash of hot jealousy in his chest. It’s a strange sensation, one he’s never experienced before. He’s been jealous of course - he’d spent more than half his life being jealous of Gendry after all - but this angry, possessive feeling is something different. He keeps it under wraps though, and simply smiles and says, “I’m glad you made a friend. I’d like to meet him some time.” He knows how isolated Arrya feels at times, he won’t, no, can’t take this friendship away from her because a stupid little feeling like jealousy.
He’s thankfully distracted by sudden thumps at this side. The baby! His heart beats faster as his doubts flood him once again.
Arrya though … Arrya always knows the right thing to say. His head hangs again, but in embarrassment rather than shame. He’s still not used to praise, of any kind really. He’d never received any from his family (not even his father who’d tried to be kind), or really anyone else in his life. Except Arrya of course. And occasionally Gendry (he ignores the brief flash of anger the flares at the thought of their former friend). “Thanks Arrya.” He glances at her, corner of his mouth curved in a hopeful smile. “With you at my side, I feel like I can do anything.”
