"But the dream, the echo, slips from him as quickly as he had found it and as consciousness comes to him (a slap and not the gentle waves of oceanic tides), it dissolves entirely. His muscles relax as the cold claims him again, as the numbness sets in, and when his grey eyes open, there’s nothing but the faint after burn of a dream often trod and never remembered." --Brigade, written by Laura
If you're ever gonna find a silver lining It's gotta be a cloudy day
She relives the horror over and over in a heap on the forest floor. He led her to an obviously pre-scoped small clearing, stringing her along with the promise of heading home, distracting her with nature’s beauty. Like a panther he attacked quickly and fiercely, his teeth on her flesh and his body relentlessly crashing into hers. She fought, with all her strength, screaming for help. But his body was too close for her back legs to get the momentum to strike hard enough. Her efforts only gave him strength, despite drawing blood, and eventually she tired until she could barely stand. Her panic and fear turning to horror and dread and finally grief. Her innocence ripped from her in one painful mistake. She blamed herself, as if it was somehow her fault or she had led him on, as victims usually do. And he left just as quickly as he pounced, leaving her a destroyed shell of her former self. When he left, she collapsed on the ground, tears staining her honey-hued cheeks, suicidal thoughts running through her mind.
Eventually the tears stopped and the emotional pain numbed enough to allow logical thinking. Her joints ached from being bent beneath her weight, the muscles in her neck, shoulders, back and hindquarters agonizingly stiff from the fighting, as well as stinging bite and kick marks and a sweaty hide were inescapable proof of the event that happened. Time ticked by slow as a slug as she lay there for who knows how long feeling sorry for herself and wanting the relief of death before she finally gathered herself up. Her knees cracking as she painfully outstretched them to support her frame, her hind legs collecting beneath and pushing off the ground to lift her body. She groaned in anguish, unstable on all fours.
Now where? She craved the security of home but she was so ashamed she didn’t feel worthy. She stood there again for quite some time, debating with herself. Eventually she decided to be a grown-ass woman and take responsibility for the past. She couldn’t go back and change it no matter how badly she wanted to. She feared the devil spawn was growing inside her and her pity turned to anger and spite. She’d kill the foal if she had to.
Moving under the cover of darkness, spooking at every rustle, she reluctantly made her way back home, resolving there was no other option. Crossing the border into the Falls her relief was equally met with shame, she tried to slip in unnoticed. Eventually her swelling belly would invoke questions she wasn’t sure how to answer. She could have made her way to the healing waters but she refused to let them take away the reminder of her mistake. The pain tethered her to reality, and the physical torture was a distraction from the emotional turmoil. She did however take advantage of the moisture-rich emerald. Ripping blades with ferocity that a starving animal does.
It was near nightfall and the paint stallion had not seen his golden friend for some time; The two had progressed with there castes and now had to maintain the everyday duties, keeping them apart often. He had just finished a border patrol and had the rest of the night to himself, he carried himself to the body of water from the waterfall and submerged his body up to his knees in the water. The air was chill, and the weather grew cold, but the water was room temperature as the sun warmed it all day. He often thought of Ashara, curious to when the next time he would see her, she was his first friend, and he will always remain loyal to the mare.
As he thought of her, he caught a whiff of her scent, a smile grew on his face as he would have a chance to talk to her. The brute took a drink of the water before exiting, as he reached land he shook his body out removing any excess water. His ears were perked as he began to carry himself to the entrance of the Falls, were the scent came from. Allowing a whinny out to let Ashara know he was on his way, a leisurely stroll to her. After a few moments of weaving in and around trees and plants the golden vixen was far away, but in view. Jedi was quick to cock his head with confusion, she was far away but he could see that she did not carry herself the same, she looked as though she was in pain. He quickened his pace and let out a worried whinny, hopeful that his friend was okay.
Unfortunately as he grew near her, his eyes did not lie, the mare was not in good shape. Her body did not carry the usual shine it did not sit in perfect condition, it was marked up and out of place. His eyes showed fear and confusion, he shared the pain with her. He was now within taking distance, and he was easily able to pick up another kingdoms scent, even narrowing it down to a stag. She was around a stag...Ashara was in heat as he picked up her scent earlier on in the week, and he feared the worst for her. He carried her secret that she had interest in female equines. They never talked about if she wanted to foal, was she even carrying the attackers foal? He did not want to assume anything and felt as though he needed to confirm his fears "A....Ashara....What happend?" his voice alarmed, clearly filled with fear and anxiety. He pushed his body against hers wrapping his neck over hers, he shared his warmth with the battered mare, hoping that his touch would console.
If you're ever gonna find a silver lining It's gotta be a cloudy day
She hears his calls, the first makes her pause, frozen to the spot welling with mixed emotions. She craves the comfort, support and stability of her painted comrade but the other half feels unworthy of it, ashamed of her weakness. Regardless, the past was bound to come up sooner or later, why not the former. Get it over with, after all, she couldn’t possibly feel any worse. Reluctantly and painfully, her honey-hued form moved towards his sound where he was coming into view. The alarm in his tone and pace brought back the feelings of self pity. Why me? It hurts so bad. Hold me, tell me it will be okay. Once again a vulnerable emotional wreck at the mercy of his kindness. Luckily, she manages to somewhat hold herself together, except for a few tears running down the flat sides of her skull.
She flinches from his touch, a subconscious reaction, more so from the fear of being hurt again than the actual pain of pressing on bruises and lesions. She has no reason to fear him but it would take some time before the conscious mind over rides the natural flight response. She allows him to wrap his neck over hers despite all this, she’s relieved to not have eye contact while the tears stream and thoughts collect. She leans her head against his chestnut coloured shoulder, her neck sending shooting pain in protest. There is a pause as they stay like this, him trying to comfort her, and she wanting to be comforted, wanting it all to be okay.
“I…” she trails off. “Well…” she tries again. Searching for the right words. “I went to the forest, just to explore, thinking it was a safe time to do so with the war over.” Her voice, buried in his shoulder is surprisingly composed at this point. “ I wasn’t exactly lost but I found myself at a dead end where a… a Pegasus found me. He insisted on showing me a shortcut home. Instead…” the emotions welled again and she paused to compose. Did she really need to say the words. He raped me. She said them over and over in her head, struggling to say them out loud. He had other plans. I fought as hard as I could but he was too strong. she finally says with a high pitched whisper between sobs. She feels hopeless and lost. “Oh god, I just hope I’m not pregnant. I couldn’t bare it. A part of her knows that she is but she tries to hang onto the chance that she is not, the chance no permanent physical reminder would come from the tragedy. And how could she love and nurture the spawn of that? (She will of course, but right now wants it dead)
I am enjoying a night stroll, having left Ygritte in the woods to rest, when I hear voices. I recognize them right away and know to look for Jedi’s bay and white figure and Ashara’s yellow one before I even see them. Perhaps we can talk, I think, but those thoughts are wiped away as soon as I lay eyes on them.
Despite their nearness and the injuries on Ashara’s body, it never occurs to me that Jedi might have been the one to harm her. I have seen the two of them together many times; they are friends and I trust Jedi to never do such a thing. He holds her gently, clearly cautious of the bruises that the palomino mare wears, but there are still tears on the mare’s golden face.
I arrive in time to hear her explain what had happened to her, and though she skips ahead of what surely happened at this time of year from a male attacker, I do not doubt her. Jedi seems ready to comfort her, and I do not begrudge him that. They are far closer than I am despite my position as king, and in times like these one needs a friend far more than a monarch.
But I have responsibilities to uphold, and protection of those beneath is one that I have always held most sacred.
“Ashara?” I say, hesitant, unsure if she even wants me near. I would be glad to leave, if she does, but first…
“Can you describe this pegasus to me?” I’m not sure what she remembers – or what she will want to remember - but if she will give me enough detail, I will hunt down the monster that did this to her, and I will make him pay for it.
Ashara allowed her body to be comforted, resting her head on his chest he could stay there all night with the golden vixen, as long as she needed. She began to answer his question and he couldn't help but pin his ears back with anger as Ashara re-lives the attack, explaining to him what happened. As he heard another approach he lifted his neck off hers to turn, curious if her attacker had come back to take her with him, but to his relief it was Kreios.
Releasing a sigh the mare continued to explain what happened, and fury boiled inside him. He was not a stallion who desired to fight, in fact he would rather find a peaceful way to make things work rather than fight, but he wanted to make the stallion pay he wanted the stranger to feel the same fear she did. He did not know what he could offer to console his friend, she would have this stallions foal whether or not she wanted it. To his relief Kreios asked Ashara to describe the stallion so he could make him pay for his actions. It was a smart move, Kreios, as the king, would often go off to other kingdoms, and would hopefully be able to recall the kingdom this stallion belonged to.
All Ashara wanted was to explore the forest, with the little spare time she had to herself, and she found herself in this situation. Jedi grew anxious what if he went with her? this would not have happened, perhaps he would not have even approached. If it was a different day would he still have sought her out? He did not wish this upon anyone, but certainly not to Ashara, what was her plans for the foal. He had so many questions that would go unanswered, he did not want to make her relive the situation over and over, instead he just offered a nuzzle to her shoulder pressing his body against hers. He would remain with her until she foaled, until she did not want him around.
04-27-2016, 10:23 PM (This post was last modified: 04-28-2016, 12:31 AM by Ashara.)
ASHARA
If you're ever gonna find a silver lining It's gotta be a cloudy day
The cautious voice of a concerned monarch surprises her, not noticing his arrival. Instantly embarrassed that he sees her in such a vulnerable, weak state and reluctantly pulls away from the soothing embrace of her supporting ally. She feels uneasy in his presence, and illogically doubts her trust in him. There is no reason to, he has always been kind, but that tiny shard of not knowing him as well as Jedi grows into a fear for what he’s capable of. She senses that he feels somewhat responsible for her situation and that makes her feel worse.
The kingdom took her in when her own family exiled her, offered her a home, a beautiful mild-weathered, predator-free place to live and work. She owed her life for that. While many love and nurture the opposite sex, taking care of, enjoying each others company and planning a life together, she believed such a thing did not exist for her. Truly feeling alone, afflicted, with the flaw to only find other females attractive. She had no young (yet) and instead poured all that energy and attention into the land and its inhabitants. Bringing the Falls shame or having someone hurt because of her was a fate much worse than the terror she had endured. She imagined she felt similar to Kreios though she has known the place for a shorter duration and perhaps not as in-depth. Therefore, she is averse to answer his question.
“He was the colour of a lavender blossom. I do not remember his name. But please, I do not want to cause you or the kingdom any harm, embarrassment or inconvenience because of my personal mistake. I should not have been so trusting or been by myself.” She lies about not knowing Kirin’s name, hoping it will prevent any action. She is not sure why she defends her attacker, whether she had turned to run at his arrival or not, his plan was set at first sight and would have taken her anyway. This is the reality the palomino will have to accept and live with. Her care-free confidence gone. Her amber eyes return to the painted stag, pleading for him to head her request too. Unable to stomach the thought of him getting hurt because of her. Was it rational? Maybe not to them, but to her emotionally controlled thoughts it seemed logical.
Jedi listens as Ashara describes the attacker, lavender in color. He has never seen such a horse, and was curious to what kingdom they belong to. His heart was filled with hatred, he did not want to see his beloved friend in this state. He wanted to take all her pain away and make her feel at ease again. Should she foal the attackers kin Jedi would be there to help the golden mare; so long as she desired it. He rubbed the mares shoulder with his head as she blamed the attack on herself, for being so trusting. that was nonsense, the stallion knew what he was doing before he approached her.
His eyes met hers as she pleaded without speaking to not find the attacker, he painfully looked away. All he wanted to do was to find the stallion and cause harm to him, although he would not betray Ashara as that is the last thing she needs. He gave a silent nod of his head agreeing without speaking. He turns his gaze to Kreios curious if he would know what to say. Jedi has never had to deal with this and he was hopeful Kreios could offer soothing words. "Its not your fault" he whispered to Ashara, wanting her to know Jedi did not blame her for what happend.
The golden mare seems reluctant, and I do not presume to pressure her. She says she does want to inconvenience the kingdom, and while I admire her loyalty, I cannot hold back a snort of disdain. Not for her – never for her – but rather for the idea that I would put the reputation of the kingdom above the reputation of its members. What is a land but the horses that make up its body?
“This was not your mistake, Ashara.” I tell her. “As far as I’m concerned in attacking you, that stallion attacked the kingdom.”
The words seems less sensitive than what I had been aiming for, but they are still true, and I’ve no wish to take them back. Still, the hesitance that the palomino displays is telling, and I surmise that pressuring her to provide more detail will be fruitless.
“I will find him, if you want me too, and I will make him pay.” The threat is not empty, and I suspect she knows it, though I leave the decision up to her. Her rapist will live or die at her request (though I cannot promise that I will refrain from pummeling the next lavender pegasus that I see). “But whatever you decide – this was not your fault, like Jedi says.” I looked to the pied stallion, nodding in agreement at his words to the golden mare.
If you're ever gonna find a silver lining It's gotta be a cloudy day
The support of her friend is one thing, it is welcomed and comforting and almost expected but the support of the king is another thing entirely and one that makes her feel truly valued. They reassure her lack of control during the incident and she begins to believe them. Kreios’s threat almost makes her smile, that kind of compassion and inclusiveness is the encouragement that sows a seed for healing. She had never dreamed of being apart of a family that was attentive, protective and loyal, and for that reason she dedicated everything she had to give back the unspoken love the monarchs and dear friends showed her. “Thank you, Kreios.” Her words are heartfelt and genuine with a nod to emphasize. There is nothing left to say, so she returns to the embrace of the painted warrior. Her golden cranium burying in his ivory tassels. “Thank you, Jedi.” Nothing more can be done, time would heal what it could and scars would mold her future. Her belly would swell despite her wishes, her sadness would harden and she would somehow get through it with the help of a dear friend and the support of a nation.
