sinking and swimming, thinking we're living

[Mazikeen]

Mazikeen

There is a list running through Mazikeen’s mind of those she needs to find. Of mistakes she needs to attempt to correct and apologies to be made. Most of them won’t be easy but she starts with those she can find in her home. It’s somewhere to start, at the very least, and gives her an excuse to stay near those she loves.

Today she is looking for two colts and she has no idea what she’s going to say to them once she does. Guilt eats at her stomach whenever she thinks of Vital and Zephys. Not only had she tricked them and kidnapped them, she had not been a very good guardian after all that. Her mood had worsened not long after they arrived back in Hyaline and she’d left them to their own devices and rarely thought about them.

Which was good last year - not thinking about them probably spared them - but now that wasn’t an excuse. Now she needed to do better. Or at least try to do better. If they would let her.

In the end, she only finds one, though she can’t imagine the other is far. And though she had not really cared which was which when she had learned their names, she still has those memories and they help her pick the right name as she approaches the colt near the lake. “Vital?” Even though she is confident she has the right name, there’s still a question in that word - one asking if she’s even remotely welcome to approach.

“How are you?” It feels like a clumsy question, and very possibly a lame one at that, but Mazikeen offers him something she isn’t sure she ever has - a genuine smile - while she says it.

[Vital]

He has grown comfortable here, despite the circumstances of his arrival. He hardly thinks of his life before that day in the clearing anymore. It had been easier to give in to the illusion of safety this new home provides. Had been easy to imagine Zephys would be safe here too.

New friends had helped, of course. And learning better control over his ability to shift. It has kept him busy at least. Kept him from dwelling too much on the what-if’s that had plagued him those first weeks after their arrival.

But it’s still there, always lingering in the back of his mind. He can’t pretend the world is truly safe anymore. He can’t live in the naivete childhood should provide. The very thought of being a victim again brings a dull roar to his ears and sends his heart into a furious rhythm. A rhythm fueled by determination and the desire to be strong enough to never have to know that kind of fear again.

He had hurled himself into learning for that one simple reason. Running with Malik to practice his speed and endurance. Plucking at Iliana’s knowledge to figure out how to shift better. Sneaking off when Zephys is sleeping to practice. He’s tired, but if he could be better, it would all be worth it.

It’s after one of these illicit practice sessions that Maze finds him as he’s picking his way back to Zephys. The sound of his name draws his attention with a start. Briefly, his skin flickers, taking on the neutral tones of the forest around him before settling back into the familiar hue of embers. “Maze!” he greets enthusiastically, not quite able to hide his surprise at finding her here. She hadn’t been around much since she brought them here, though that hadn’t bothered Vital overly much. She isn’t their mother after all. Only their savior.

He offers her a smile in return. “I’m good.” He clears his throat. “No more dragons.” He quiets then, not quite sure where to go from here. He’s never been a very good conversationalist, and he’s not certain what she might like to talk about. Maybe she had only come to make sure the two boys she’d saved are still surviving. So instead he says offhandedly, “You must be very busy.”

vital

@Mazikeen

[Mazikeen]

Mazikeen

As it always seems to now, hearing her nickname brightens the grin in Mazikeen’s orange eyes. It is good to see that there is no fear there in his greeting, just surprise - which cuts her differently. She doesn’t miss the way the neutral tones of the forest flash across his skin before settling back into the fiery colours that had drawn her attention in the clearing.

The mention of no more dragons ruins that brightening and that guilt twists deeper into her gut. Her expression falls for a moment but she’s quick to fit her smile back into place. It’s a placeholder smile for a moment, just a mask to keep her from falling apart, but she hopes it will not require effort to keep for too long.

What Mazikeen really needs to apologize for is too big, she can’t quite get the words out. She can’t even seem to choke out an apology for being busy - because in reality, she hadn’t been. She’d been bored and frustrated some scrap of her normal self had kept her from taking out that boredom on the small collection of foals that called Hyaline home. It had been luck that had kept her away from Vital and his brother before now.

Which doesn’t feel like a kind thing to point out when she is attempting to make up for lost time. So all these thoughts stay in her mind where they can continue to fester and she will keep trying to make things better in the present.

So Mazikeen just nods, her voice softening a little. “I have been, but will be less busy from now on I hope.” And, because it is (hopefully) a safe topic for them to talk about she asks with genuine interest, thinking about that colour change that happened when she approached: “Have you been practicing your shifting at all?”