it's all up in the air | Mazikeen

[Gale]

Gale this is going to break me clean in two -- this is going to bring me close to you In the days that followed Mazikeen’s departure from Islandres, she was often on Gale’s mind. Her words ring in his ears: telling him she’s not afraid, promising to stop him if he were ever to need it. He should know better than to rely on someone else, yet remembering her confidence gives Gale confidence of his own. And he needs plenty of it, grappling with shifting as he is. He’d spent most of the first few days completely horse-shaped and with a large headache. As the days turned to weeks, and then months, Gale has grown better as well. He’s still limited – able only to take one other complete shape – but there is no doubting his Shapeshifting ability now. As soon as he’d been sure, he’d come to Hyaline. He flies through the darkness without fear, his blue eyes sharper than any true osprey’s. The ground beneath him begins to climb higher, and eventually Gale flies over the bare rock that he knows rings the mountainous kingdom belonging to the Pack. Rather than swoop down toward the lake that lies far below, Gale keeps to the highlands. He settles onto the winter-bare branch of a high-altitude aspen, and folds his white wings arounds his navy brindle feathered body. He’s kept his equine coloring despite his best efforts otherwise, and is grateful that at least it serves as a visible indicator that he is not just a bird sitting at the border in the dark. “Anybody home?” he calls out, falling quiet to listen for a response. All that comes is the wind, and Gale quickly grows tired of holding his avian shape, and returns four hooves to the ground in a flawless and well-practiced landing. The sun has not returned, as they’d hoped it would at their parting, but there is still time. It’s not summer yet, the stallion thinks as he looks up at the dim ring of the distant sun. He debates calling out again, and settles instead for ambling very slowly in a general downhill sort of direction. He should probably stop, he knows, but some part of him is curious how far he might go before something – or someone – stops him. @[Mazikeen]

[Mazikeen]

When the white noise begins to retreat, when the anger and the sadness dull enough for her to be able to think clearly, she thinks of Gale. And her nose, where the red V rests, tickles when she does. She’d stood on the western border of Hyaline for a long time, thinking about visiting him before turning away. And then she spent longer still trying not to think about whether she was delaying their reunion because she does not want him to see her so low or because she’s in denial about how much she thinks his presence would comfort her. She feels diminished, even as she screams at herself to get over it. Mazikeen has a near-constant mantra going through her head. Get the quest done. This isn’t the end of the world. You’ll be able to shift again and you are not weaker now because you can’t. And she believes those things, most days, and there is a very real and fierce stubborn desire to complete her quest. Sometimes, though, it is overshadowed by this first taste of heartbreak and loss. That is the case now, as she paces Hyaline and attempts to brainstorm things she likes about this form. When movement catches her eye, a well-formed instinct to shift or pull on the eyes of a predator has her grasping at that hollow place inside her and the temporary productivity she felt collapses. She’s scowling as she tries to see who it is and scowling more when she has to move closer to figure out out. Once she has, there’s a very vivid moment where Mazikeen thinks she’s hallucinating. She hasn’t been eating as much lately, though she didn’t think it had quite gotten that bad. Seeing Gale moving through the foothills of Hyaline throws her for such a loop it startles a laugh out of her. An uncomfortable shyness keeps her from closing the gap between them as she had when she said goodbye, but her smile is not forced as she calls out to him. “Scouting the place, are you? That’s a good way to become lunch, you know.” Not for her, as he well knows, but she isn't the only predator in these mountains. She's not a predator at all, really. Not anymore.

@[Gale]

[Gale]

Gale this is going to break me clean in two -- this is going to bring me close to you The sky overhead never changes as he ambles downhill. There are no stars, no clouds, nothing at all. Gale shivers, but it is not from the cold of the high mountain spring. He will survive a world of eternal darkness, but he is not yet ready to accept that. He has been weighing his options of late, wondering if perhaps it would help to ask the fairies to do something about the eclipse. The brindle horse shakes his head, which sends the white length of his mane rippling down his sides. The sound of a laugh echoes through the darkness, and it takes every fiber of concentration he has to keep from spooking. Gale had been ready, knowing that this land was likely to be patrolled by things more than capable of knocking him silly. Only that wariness keeps him from reacting in surprise to the sound of someone else nearby. But he recognizes that laugh, and his blue ears flick in Mazikeen’s direction without a single falter in his step. “I imagine that I’d taste rather bitter,” Gale admits, focusing on the path ahead of him rather than searching through the darkness in search of the speaker. “I ate, like, a dozen sour apples so I’d definitely need to be cooked first.” He stops then, placing his front hoof against a patch of bare stone, and turns his glowing blue gaze on Mazikeen. Gale tilts his head, and smiles, because she looks just like he’d pictured – pale and equine. “I think that is my favorite shape of yours.” A gesture in her general direction and an appreciative nod accompany this statement of fact. He turns to face her, pivoting on his hind legs to do so, and in doing so moving no closer than where he had stopped on the wide expanse of bare and sloping mountainside. Better to keep his distance, he decides. Just in case. “I can do a whole osprey now,” Gale continues, chattering to fill the wide expanse of space between them. “Would you like to see?!” His enthusiasm is tangible even from a distance, and he feels as though he would surely be transmitting happiness if he’d inherited any of those maternal gifts. @[Mazikeen]

[Mazikeen]

Mazikeen is effectively distracted from the thoughts of how she wishes Gale had come right over to her when his talk of sour apples washes over her and she shakes her head with a smaller laugh. It’s difficult to feel slighted about the distance (or to wonder whether she had imagined any closeness at all) when his enthusiasm bubbles through the darkness. She is surprised by his casual comment about this shape of hers being his favourite as he stops and Mazikeen does not know what to say in response. That was, after all, what her entire quest was about - wasn’t it? The thing she had such a difficult time grappling with just got stated with such ease. She wants to ask why. And she’s just about to when he continues. Gale declares that he can turn into a whole osprey and asks if she’d like to see with such happiness that it hurts to hear. Mazikeen hates that she’s not filled with pure joy and pride for him in return. There is some but it is twisting and turning in her gut with jealousy and sadness. There should really be a limit on how many emotions can be going through one mind at any one time, shouldn’t there? How fun would it have been for them both to be ospreys and soar through the mountains together? She wants to share this with him - especially because he seems so excited - and the knowledge that it’s her own fault that she cannot is a bitter taste in the back of her throat. Thinking about flying hurts almost as much as it had to instinctively reach for her shifting and be reminded that it is not there. She’s now thankful for the distance and hopes like hell it means he cannot see the angry tears swimming in her eyes while she mentally screams at them to get back in her body. She's been quiet too long now, hasn't she? She feels slow and dumb compared to his happiness, too wrapped up in her own thoughts. Her first attempt to speak comes out as more of a strangled croak and she clears her throat before putting as much enthusiasm as she can drum up into the words. “Of course! Show me."

@[Gale]

[Gale]

Gale this is going to break me clean in two -- this is going to bring me close to you As Gale watches her through the trees, he cannot help but compare this distance between them to the nearness of their departure. He takes a deep breath, his brindled sides expanding, and releases it in long steamy exhale. The warmth of the steam fades not far above him, and having switched to heat-vision does not see much in the way of detail. But he doesn’t switch back, and instead keeps the eyes that will make it diffiuclt to pick his way through the forest toward her. It is for the best that she’s put this distance between them, Gale knows. He’d come to that realization not long after she’d left Islandres. There is no future for him, and to make that true for another is a travesty he cannot consider. It feels worse than death (which for Gale is transient if miserable), and perhaps Mazikeen has come to realize this as well. If she’d even noticed, of course, as Gale is certain she has more verbose suitors throwing themselves at her feet regularly. He'd wanted to be friends, but if she’s decided they’re “Champion” and “Chief” instead, Gale will accept that as well. He does not think there is any attention she might pay him that would be too small. Yep, very good idea to keep his distance.  She makes a sound, and for a long moment he’s concerned. Was that supposed to be growl? Is she sick now? But then she’s speaking again, and asking him to show her the shifting that he’s come all this way to demonstrate, and he forgets his concern entirely. Instead, he focuses on the shape of the seahawk, and the next moment he is a navy striped bird perched on the bare rock. His feet flex along the flat surface, the dark white talons scraping against the stone, and he raises his wings in a gesture that says quite clearly “So what do you think?” @[Mazikeen]

[Mazikeen]

Mazikeen prepares herself for what it’s going to be like to watch someone else shift - to watch Gale shift into one of her favourite animals. She thinks she prepares herself, anyway. She tries focusing on the anger instead of the waves of sadness, tries to make herself angry that he had come all this way to Hyaline and he wouldn’t even come close to her. Layers of anger build up around her heart and she thinks she’s ready when she’s thinking about saying something to him about it and tell him off. And then he shifts. And even in the darkness, even with her equine eyes, she can tell he kept his colouring. She doesn’t know whether it’s intentional or not but it’s the same way she shifts - her white coat prevailing over everything else. Even as an osprey she was more white than they normally were, with just a dash of black and red above her beak. She is happy for him. She is. She is! She totally is. Absolutely thrilled. And yet she watches through watery eyes as he raises his wings. The anger crumbles away and much to Mazikeen’s absolute horror, the tears come in earnest now. She’s not a gentle crier, Mazikeen. If there’s something worth her crying over it’s never just a few tears. First when she had died, second just after she had left the mountain, and now. And she is mad about how this moment is now on that list but no amount of anger is getting her ragged breathing under control. She stubbornly tries to talk over them though, as though nothing whatsoever is happening in her heart, which results in a rather loud and near-hiccuping “Th...at’s... a… m… azing!” followed by a very quiet but very angry “Fuck.” as she shakes her head and turns it away, muttering to herself to get it together.

@[Gale]

[Gale]

Gale this is going to break me clean in two -- this is going to bring me close to you Gale hadn’t been expecting thunderous applause, but he’d been hoping for feedback a little more positive than Mazikeen’s sobbing. It startles him, and he loses his control of the shape. In a blink, he is back to being a horse with non-augmented eyes, and in another blink his sight improves. He can see the tears on her cheek, and watches the way ones cool as it falls from her face and onto the mountainside, growing dimmer in color until they are gone entirely. When he’s satisfied, he looks back up at Mazikeen, and even though she’s not yet looking back in his direction speaks up. “So, like…is this a bad time or something?” He can’t really step away without forcing them to speak loudly to be heard, and Gale isn’t sure that Mazikeen wants others to overhear. He’s not sure she wants him to overhear whatever it is she’s doing. He’s just shown her the coolest thing he’s ever done and she’s crying, so either he is the very worst shifter in all of Beqanna, or there is something happening that he does not know. “I can come back later, if you want?” Filling the silence comes naturally, and he chatters on. “Or we could talk if you want? Do you need a hug?” That last offer would have seemed a bad idea about three minutes ago, but her tears drench what several months of logic and reason hadn’t entirely been able to extinguish. If it will make her stop crying, he’s willing to try. @[Mazikeen]

[Mazikeen]

Well, he didn’t make fun of her but his first question inspires a strangled sort of laugh from Maze as she tries to stop the flow of tears. As he continues to chatter - exasperation finally wins out over sadness and she turns fierce eyes to where Gale stands. Her voice is quiet but pointed. “How… how can you offer a hug when you won’t even get close to me?” But once the words are out she’s not sure she wants to know the answer to that question, and she is reasonably sure she’s being pathetic by asking it in the first place. If he prefers this distance she shouldn’t let it bother her so much and she certainly shouldn’t let him know it bothers her. Maybe he had resented the way she had invaded his space back on his island, maybe her inexperience with matters of the heart had led her far astray and she had misinterpreted everything. So instead of waiting for an answer she inhales a deep breath and then, though her voice cracks a little, she just says her new truth - orange eyes staring straight up at the starless sky and part of her wishing she could be swallowed up by the shadows. “I can’t shift anymore.” Further explanation, in that moment, fails her. Her brain stalls out on that single fact the way it always did whenever she tried to focus on her quest or literally anything else. Mazikeen remembers telling Gale how much shifting had meant to her - and her excessive use of it probably would have told him that even without words. She doesn’t know what to expect in response and with another deep breath to steady herself, her tearful gaze finally moves back to him.

@[Gale]

[Gale]

Gale this is going to break me clean in two -- this is going to bring me close to you Though Gale is older than most of his siblings, he is the only one who has not paired off and sired or borne children. It would be nice to have kids of his own, Gale had once thought, though that would require a partner that he’s never found. That search has never been a priority, consumed as he is with the protection and patrol of his home. Mazikeen had been an anomaly, placed into his life first by the Fates in the Alliance, and then by her own choice when she’d come to Islandres. Gale would never have made such a first move; he would have been too busy to even consider it. The only thing he has thought of more than Mazikeen in these past month has been the Curse and the shifting that’s come with it. He will inevitably hurt her, he knows, so it is best to maintain a distance. If he keeps her far enough, perhaps she’ll be out of the blast zone entirely. Gale winces at her accusation, and for a verbose creature he is markedly silent, his navy lips pressed tight. He hadn’t meant to make her feel repulsive, and yet it seems he’s done just that. He wants to apologize, but only frowns and shakes his head softly. It’s better this way, he tells himself. Perhaps she’ll take back her earlier promises and he can at least know she will be spared the inevitable. He starts to smile, just barely, and then Mazikeen tells him that she’s unable to shift. He doesn’t quite remember moving closer, but he’s standing beside her and reaching out to hug her consolingly. “Did someone take it?”  He asks, knowing that magicians and tricksters are prone to meddling. “Do you need me to get it back?” @[Mazikeen]

[Mazikeen]

There is an instinct to flinch away from Gale when he comes to stand beside her but Mazikeen doesn’t let it surface. She’s tense, at first, but it doesn’t take long for her to relax into the offered hug. There’s a comfort in the touch she cannot name - even if it also tastes bitterly of pity. Another deep breath is interrupted by a soft laugh at his questions and she shifts enough just to press her head into his neck in a playful shove before pulling back and away. “I know we haven’t been friends long, but do you really think if someone had just taken it I wouldn’t have hunted them down myself?” Her orange eyes still glitter but there’s no more fresh tears for now, thank the gods. “It was the fairies on the mountain, and it’s my own stupid fault.” And then she tells him everything. But she’s uncharacteristically quiet and distant while she does - her eyes are on some hazy point in the shadows instead of focused on his face like how she would normally. She doesn’t understand how she can both feel comfortable enough with Gale to explain this to him and wary of the fact that she wants him to see her as strong. But considering how hard she had been sobbing just a few moments ago, she’s pretty sure that’s no longer a possibility. This Mazikeen is an echo of the one who had stood proudly bleeding on the beach after defeating a shadow creature. That one had been one to admire. Certainly not this one, though she carries the scars from that day still. And the truth is - she needs help. Because focusing on this quest on her own is not working. She tells him about how she had gone to the mountain looking for more strength, a way to be better prepared to protect herself and those she cared for - because as much as she loved her shifting it not had saved her from dying as a yearling, losing in the Alliance (though this part she says now without bitterness, and even turns her head enough to give him a small smile), and having Breach stolen from right under her nose. How the fairy had taken her shifting and given her the task of learning to appreciate this horse form above all else. “I won't give up on this quest but shifting was everything to me. It’s all I was. And now I just… keep focusing on what’s missing instead of trying to figure out what I could possibly appreciate about this shape.” The tension has worked its way back into her entire body until she feels like she might explode with it. She’s not sure what to expect from him - he’s only ever proven himself to be nice but she doesn’t want pity for the sake of it. She’s doing great feeling bad for herself all on her own. Mazikeen’s afraid to turn and look at Gale but because she can name that fear, she faces it - faces him again, her intent orange gaze returned. “What you said about this being your favourite of my shapes. Why is it?”

@[Gale]