it's still my heart to sell; dovev

[leliana]

I know what it is but I'm hoping that all is well
no harvest of green but it's still my heart to sell

The duality of him was perplexing, confusing, fascinating.

He was at once light and playful, dark and tortured; he brushed against her with touches that were at once sweet and tender and then domineering, possessive. Her mind reeled against the switches, the way he dipped in and out, his eyes going from fierce to sweet. Eventually, she gave up on trying to keep up, instead taking him for what he was, accepting him for the creature that was in front her.

This was the truth. It was his truth, and it was hers tonight.

He pulled her down to the ground and although she stiffened at first, she remembered the sweet way he had asked her to stay and yielded, folding down next to him, swan wings lifting upward and outward to lay over their backs, legs tangling as they pressed together. The moment was sweet and, in her mind, innocent, but she knew, in the depths of her heart--she knew they teetered on the edge of something different. 

Something with waters that churned dangerously, wicked and tempting.

"Perhaps I should leave then," she teased, finding the spot of blue upon his lip and lingering there, fascinated by the color of it. "If you are going to see me when I am gone anyway." Still, her eyes were bright and kind, the amber of them lit with pleasure at the nearness of him, at the sound of his voice.

At his question, she frowned, the lovely features of her face clouding with confusion. "Should I not let you touch me?" It was a foreign concept, one she had never considered. Perhaps it was absence of her mother or the tumbleweed life of her childhood, but she had never learned that not all touches were welcome, that love was not meant to be shared freely and openly. Her heart was a sheltered thing, but not a selfish one; she saw no reason to not give it away, to place it into the hands of those who desired it. 

The idea that anything but good could from it was laughable.

She laughed again at the bite he placed upon her neck, and she returned the favor, nibbling at his flesh, mouth finding the thin and sensitive skin by his ear and resting there for a moment. "It is..." her voice faded for a moment as she searched for the word, finally settling upon, "pleasant." She smiled shyly, leaning her head into him to give him a nudge. "It is pleasant when you touch me." Explorative, she continued her path along his face and his neck, finding all of the crevices and harsh lines that drew him up. 

"Should I not touch you?" 

For a moment, she hesitated, unsure.

I put everything I had into something that didn't grow
like going on a wild hunt, shooting arrows without a bow

[Dovev]

Her wings blanketed them again, like that first day. Why had he walked away then? He couldn't remember.

Damn, but he couldn't stop touching her. She was the source of everything he needed, and he was a starving man. Touches, kisses, nuzzles- she received them all constantly. He couldn't help himself, he couldn't stop himself. He tried to rein back, but it only flared brighter within him and demanded more. More, not less.

Just a lot more.

"Perhaps I should leave then," she teased, "if you are going to see me when I am gone anyway." Her lips found the spot of blue, and he exhaled a shuddering breath. His breathing was quickening again. No matter how hard he fought, it kept coming back. She kept bringing it back. She was doing this to him. A drug to him, a desperate need. It was going to be so hard to let her go. He didn't want to. Could he even breathe without her anymore?

"Should I not let you touch me?" she asked, so innocent, so inexperienced. He moaned quietly against her throat. You should definitely let me touch you. Me, only me. Only me, Leliana. But he stiffened, and pulled back. She couldn't possibly want him and only him. Him. Bony, frail, ugly. And the darkness she still had yet to find. The darkness she couldn't light with that smile. She deserved better, she would want better. His head shook just barely, and he amended it in a low whisper. For tonight, only me.

She laughed at his bite, and he smiled against her as she returned it, lingering near his ear. When she spoke again, her warm voice vibrated, further awakening his desire for her. Pleasant, she called it. Oh, he could show her pleasant. He could teach her more than pleasant. He should, too. He should.

Her touch stole his breath away. She didn't even hesitate to explore the ridges of bone on his face, the sunken skin -everything that made him so disfigured. So unattractive. Her open reaching stoked the hot fires in him, and he strangled another moan. It was so hard to hold on when she touched him back. So hard to fight it back down, stamp it back out to a safe warmth. "Should I not touch you?"

Of course he wanted to tell her yes. Of course it sat ready on his tongue, eager to say it, eager to demand it. Yes, touch me. Oh God, yes, touch me. But he closed his eyes and bit his lip, focused on calming his erratic breathing as he shook his head no. There was only so much he could take before the dams burst, before he was taking everything, stealing more from her. Her touch unraveled him.

When he opened his burning eyes, he leaned and pushed her down, hovered over her as he had before. Damn, she was so beautiful. This time, though, his kisses were not slow and sweet as he dipped his head to her. This time he hungered, tasting her skin with lips and tongue, teeth grazing against her. Fevered, hot. Needing. He left stinging little bites down her neck, his blood roaring for more as he forced himself to pause. No.. No. Ragged breaths huffed against her as he lingered at her breast, once again trying to calm himself. So close to just letting go. Just let go and damn the consequences.

He rumbled low in his throat, growling at himself before silencing it with more kisses. His trail back to her face was carefully tender, controlled. Gradual. He explored her more slowly, lipped sweetly at her throat, kissed her jaw. When he got to her cheek, he sighed against it. You do this to me, he wanted to say, but couldn't. You make me crazy with need only you can sate.
He couldn't find his voice, could only feel a bottomless well of desire that threatened to spill over.

[leliana]

I know what it is but I'm hoping that all is well
no harvest of green but it's still my heart to sell

The air between them was thick with tension, the air buzzing with electricity, and she closed her eyes on a low hum, the sound dark in her throat and deep. This was unlike anything she’d ever experienced, and she did not have the words to describe it; she could not wrap her mind around the way she at once felt as slow, sensuous as honey, as alive as raging rivers, as uncertain as a candle’s flame. She moved between the sensations, but mostly felt herself made very small—everything centered on his breath, his touch.

When he shook his head at her question, she paused, uncertainty clear in her eyes, lifting from where she had pressed her mouth to his skin. “Oh,” she whispered, suspended in the air between them and unsure about how to proceed. She had not considered the fact that he may not want to touch him as he was to her;  she had not stopped to think that he may not be interested in having her turn that around on him.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered before she felt silent.

But she could barely comprehend the situation, wrap her mind around it, because he was over her and she was being pressed down. It was a sensation akin to being pushed under the water, and she didn’t fight the pressure of him. Instead she let her weight fall to the cool ground below them, the crimson of her mane fanning around her, she not making any noise except for the sound of her steady, shallow breaths.

Her wings responded to the moment, turning black once more, but losing feathers to become something different entirely. The appendages became more flexible, thinner, the ebony edges of them turning silky and soft as they draped around her mahogany belly, cascading over her curves. She felt their cool edges as they fell over her, and she sighed, focusing on the space that continued to dissolve between them.

He was on fire, his lips traveling the length of her—lingering on areas and then raging over the other angles of her. She wanted to reach out for him, but she lay still, her pulse jumping slightly. Again, the waters churned beneath her, dangerous and tempting and unknown, and she knew—one more step, just one more and she would be utterly engulfed in it. She would be lost to him; she would be lost.

“Dovev,” she said his name like a prayer, urgent and needy. “Dovev, wait.” She pushed herself up again and into him, ignoring the shake of his head to enter his personal space. “Shh,” she soothed, her voice water between them, rushing through her. “Wait.” As if she had to remind herself too. As if she could say the word and cling to it like a lifejacket; remind herself of gravity. She pressed her forehead into him to center herself, to remind himself of the security of him, the realness of this moment, the truth of it.

“I didn’t come here for this,” because it was important that he know that. She did not come here for the fire of his touch, the steady, experienced caresses—the heat of him. “I came here for you,” she put extra weigh to the syllable, punctuating it with a lingering kiss to his temple. “I need you to know that.” She pulled back so she could look him in the eye, her heart pounding in her chest, her breath still unsteady, pulse fluttering. “We have time,” she laughed quietly, convincing herself. “We have time to savor.”

They didn’t have to consume it all right now; they didn’t have to leave behind scorched earth.

She would be there come morning.

I put everything I had into something that didn't grow
like going on a wild hunt, shooting arrows without a bow

[Dovev]

He loved the way her hair went wild around her lovely face as she lay beneath him, an ocean of red so soft and sensual, untamed. He loved her wings, changing with her thoughts as they did now; to something dark and thin, draping across her and enhancing every perfect curve of her. He was breathlessly in awe of her grace and allure, so incredibly attractive. She made him powerless.

The swift anger, the wild fury, the cruelty without mercy -all mute and repressed by her. For her?

"Dovev." Damn, and he loved that too, hearing her say his name. Especially when it sounded that way, almost like a plea. "Dovev, wait." He shook his head and kept fervently tasting her sweet skin, kissing any part of her his mouth found. He didn't want to wait, he didn't want to stop. He wanted her. Now.

But she pushed herself up and into him, her skin flushed so perfectly against his. The firmness of her embrace -as though she were promising she wouldn't leave- and her soothing Shh tempered his sudden urge to throw her back down. Instead it melted away, a burning and glowing coal where a fire had soared to life. He forced a quiet sigh, exhaling the tension that had locked him in readiness to pounce. The desire to do it still sat so loud and demanding within him, but as her forehead sank into his neck, he only turned his head and kissed her lightly.

"I didn't come here for this."
He closed his eyes and his heart hardened as he pulled away from her. It was painful to hear. Of course she hadn't. She wouldn't want him, not like this. Not how he looked, who he was. He was terrifying, sharp and bony, hard edges and almost always covered in blood, not always only his own. He was not strong and soft, thick with muscle. Not consistently sweet and tender. He didn't even know he could be til he found her.

"I came here for you. I need you to know that."
Words meant to console him, a kiss to his temple to soften the sting.

He retreated further until he couldn't feel her hot skin demanding more of his eager attention. So eager. So easily tamed to answer her every desire. He was a fool.

Thank you, he said tonelessly, staring darkly out his doorway to the night that had apparently began raining while he was lost in this perfect world with her. The pain of its loss was surprising, aching. But of course she was too perfect, too right. He should have known better.

I never thanked you for healing me.
You should rest. Regain your strength.
She probably had people worrying where she was.

[leliana]

I know what it is but I'm hoping that all is well
no harvest of green but it's still my heart to sell

The loss of him, the sudden departure, left her aching. She watched him with wide amber eyes, face framed by the curtain of red as he stood and walked to the doorway, barely illuminated by the silver of moonlight. She rose to her feet, and although uncertainty sprang from deep within her, she followed him. Wings shifted to her preferred form, the red down matching the rest of her, the softness of them comforting in the absence of him. How could she miss something she barely had?

When she reached his side, she felt the coolness of him in the space, the fire dampened, lost. “Dovev,” she said his name again, the plea in her voice apparent. She ignored her fear and pressed into him, her mouth resting on the hollows of his neck, finding the flesh still warm beneath the wicked curve of bone.

“I didn’t come here for just that,” she corrected herself, but she had to wonder if it was too late. If she had already done the damage, drove him away. To emphasize her point, her lips traced his skin, finding the strength of his jaw and resting there, moving to the edges of his face, tasting softly. Not with the same intensity, but with the same desire beneath the surface, the same unsated curiosity. The need.

“Don’t leave me,” she pled, trying to pull him back, usher him out from his shield. “Please.” She continued to press soft kisses into his neck, his jaw. Entire valleys had been carved within her chest. She could feel the way they opened up, his presence having settled within her. If she could, she would claw at her chest from the pain, the sudden, gaping lack of him so clear, even though he stood right next to her.

A single tear slid down her dark cheek as she curved her neck and let her lips rest against his shoulder. “Come back to me, Dovev.” Part of her, part of her that she desperately wanted to ignore, flared in her belly; the hurt surprising  and sudden. Had he only be interested in her when she lay on the ground? Had he only wanted a warm body? Was she just a stand-in for the night?

Bruised eyes found his, and she shook slightly, tremors racing down her spine. “Is this all you want from me?” She motioned back to the ground where they had lay, a frown creasing her lovely brow. More words formed in her throat, but they died on her tongue, and she pressed her lips together, pulling her wings tighter around herself as she stood hurt, alone, confused. And vulnerable. So incredibly vulnerable.

I put everything I had into something that didn't grow
like going on a wild hunt, shooting arrows without a bow

[Dovev]

"Dovev.."
Somehow, she made his name sound like please.

She glided to his side, filling the physical emptiness with her soft warmth. Even when he thought he should be pulling away, he was foolishly reaching to touch her. Helpless. His breath passed cautiously over her coat below her ear, her mouth at his neck. She worked her way to his jaw, then his face. His eyes closed and he stood still, focusing on the sweet sensations like ripples across his cool skin. Letting her soothe him. He didn't return her attention this time, but he didn't pull away either. Only felt her. Soaked it in for more memories.

"Don't leave me. Please."
An answer was at the tip of his tongue, and then was gone just as swiftly. Before he even knew what it was. As though he'd heard those words before, had answered them. But he hadn't left anyone before, hadn't ever had anyone he could leave. Just him. And the magician.

She gifted him more soft kisses as he stood there silent and still. Her pleading stabbed deep inside him. Maybe she hadn't been rejecting him as he thought, rejecting his touch and attention. Maybe part of her could want him. He didn't understand what this was -where it was going or where it was supposed to go. He hadn't been thinking at all, only feeling. Feeling so much. Something new, warm and soft, and not at all like the physical pain he was put through. That he put himself through for reasons he couldn't even remember anymore.

"Come back to me, Dovev."
How was there such pain and sadness in her voice? As though mirroring the emotions swirling within him. Why did it hurt so badly to walk away from her, even this short distance? To put space between them, to wall up his heart from her. He opened his cooled eyes slowly and met hers that were so filled with a pain her magic couldn't heal. "Is this all you want from me," she asked with a glance to where they had been so close to something passionate and wonderful. Something he would probably always ache to have with her.

He shook his head, but gave nothing further. He definitely wanted more somehow, if there was a more, but he also didn't know what the hell that was, what it would mean. Did he even have anything to offer? He didn't know what this was between them. He hadn't been thinking at all, only feeling. It would have been impossible for him to ignore something so good when all he had was bad. He just wanted some good, and she was the only thing that had ever made him feel it -and feel it so deeply. He wanted her.

He walked passed her -kissing softly down her neck, over her shoulder, along her spine, to her hip- and returned to where they'd been together. Come, Leliana. His voice was softer, but still flat, emotions safely guarded so very far inside him. Whatever she wanted, she could have, but his own fire was now caged safely away. He wouldn't be burning her now.

Let me hold you again, if you would wish it.
Whatever you want, is mine to give.
Subdued once again for her, his Leliana.

[leliana]

I know what it is but I'm hoping that all is well
no harvest of green but it's still my heart to sell

She hadn't realized it was possible to feel this cold.

She could feel it like a cold wind sweeping through her, rushing through the edges of her so that she felt nothing but the bitter bite of it, the regrets of her actions. Why had she stopped him? Why hadn't she been able to release that final control? She turned her head to the side to compose herself, to try and dry the tears that made soft paths down her cheeks.

She took a steadying breath and righted her shoulders. She had no reason to make demands of him; no right to ask for him to give more than he was willing. He was fire and light, all edges and power and she was, well, she was just Leliana. The quiet one, the soft-spoken one. She should feel lucky that he even noticed her and yet, here she was, asking for him to give more.

She nodded as he spoke, but she could feel that he had pulled away from her, locking away some vital piece, some important piece, away from her reach. The hurt rattled in her chest, but she refused to give into it. She wouldn't make the mistake again; she wouldn't place demands on him or push him away. She was glad for whatever he gave her, whatever this was.

She would be grateful for it.

It didn't take her long to follow him, to fold to the floor next to him, her down wings finding their familiar spot along the length of his back. She pressed hesitant lips to him, tasting the coolness of his flesh and aching for the fire he had shown, stupidly longing for the way it had almost scorched her. She should have let it. She should have pressed her palms into the heat of it and felt the burns race up her flesh. She should have let her fingers crumble into ash at the touch of him, sacrificed herself upon that altar of want. Instead, she had hesitated. Listened to her fear instead of her instincts. She had cooled him, and she would have the bear the weight of the loss.

"I want you," she admitted, although even that wasn't quite accurate. She needed him. As she needed the air in her lungs, the companionship of her sister, the wind pushing her along the curve and tide of the ocean. He was now a part of her. He had given her a taste of something she had never thought could be hers, and she starved in its absence. But she didn't put that pressure on him, she simply gave in to the exhaustion that could no longer be ignored. She nestled into his side, soaking in his warmth and protection, and began to drift to sleep. And just as she was on the edge of it, mind blurring, she whispered a single truth she had meant to keep to herself:

"I am yours."

And then drifted into the ocean of her dreams.

I put everything I had into something that didn't grow
like going on a wild hunt, shooting arrows without a bow

[Dovev]

He watched her come with a sad resolve in her beautiful russet eyes that struck him with a complament of pain inside him. He didn't want things this way, but he was in a completely different world with her. Where he would simply take what he wanted before, now he deferred to her wants instead, put them above his own. He couldn't remember ever doing that. He was wading into uncharted waters, lost save for his north star he couldn't turn away from. He needed her, and his darkness would one day turn her away forever.

Her wings blanketed them again and it was beginning to feel like home beneath them. How would he ever sleep without her after this? Their bodies pressed together as though they always should. These would be such beautiful and painful memories when she was gone again. Covered in more blood and lesions from another hard day, they would put a smile to his face and an ache in his heart. They would pull his mind from the outward pain, give him a wonderful dream to sink into. He needed her. And he couldn't have her.

Her soft lips met his skin again and he melted into it, settling closer to her, pressing further into her. He would never get enough of her.

"I want you," she said so quietly. His pulse spiked for her. His heart leapt for her. She settled into him more, the weariness of her drain of magic finally overcoming her. Because she had healed him. Had he known it would fatigue her so completely, he would have kept the pain. Perhaps. Although it kept her here with him for a while longer. But she wouldn't have let him. She would exhaust her self to collapse before she let him hurt that way, gaping wounds festering in the salted breeze. She would have done it for anyone.

She drifted so peacefully as sleep slowly came for her. Another flare of heat burned in him as her whisper sank in. I am yours. His possessive nature answered easily, Mine, and kissed just behind her jaw where the flesh was so soft. Then he carefully bit down, because she was his. His tongue pressed against her, savoring her, and he moaned softly. If only he was still thick and handsome has he had once been. Maybe then she would want him too. In every way.

He shouldn't have told her where to find him. She shouldn't have come. She would have to leave in the morning, and never look for him again. Tonight was all he had, so he held her. He watched her sleep. He memorized every perfect line, every sensation of her skin on his. He nuzzled her gently, he kissed her lightly. He would keep the taste of her forever. He finally stilled, and let her sleep, watched over her in unanswered longing. Eventually, he lay his head next to hers and closed his eyes, but still he couldn't sleep. Wouldn't sleep. Focused on her breath, the feel of her steady heartbeat.

He remained that way until she woke again.

[leliana]

I know what it is but I'm hoping that all is well
no harvest of green but it's still my heart to sell

She slept soundly.

Perhaps more soundly than she has ever slept in her life. It snuck up on her, the exhaustion, until she could not think around it and was, instead, smothered by it. She curled into him and dreamt of him, of the strength the curled in his seemingly fragile body, of the unnatural armor he bore, of the dark bruises in his eyes. She dreamt of the flames licking her body where he touched, of what had previously been undisturbed waters now rippling with life. He had turned her entire world upside down and inside out. She wasn't sure what was true anymore. What was logical. What was reality.

Still, other than the occasional murmur, his name taking root on her tongue even in her sleep, or the occasional shift as she curled even closer to him, as if trying to burrow into the warmth of him, she slept undisturbed, the weight of him against her comforting in a way that only her sister had been. She was secure here. She knew that.

No one could bring her harm.

So it was with reluctance that she awoke, early as she was prone to do, the sleep not quite having left her eyes as they fluttered open. Her heart kept in her chest when she saw him there by her side, and she watched him for a minute, studying the lines of him, the darkness of his cheeks. Part of her wondered if he would smell like copper in the evening again or if his skin would peel from bone. Would he want her back to heal it? Would he have someone else here? She bit back the worries and instead reached over, brushing her lips against his cheek gently. "Dovev," she greeted, never tiring of the sound and feel of his name. "It is morning." The sun had barely begun its ascent in the distance, the sky a blend of night's obsidian hues with the oncoming orange blossoming.

It smelled clean, the rain having finally left.

She knew, in her heart, that she would have to leave. He had things to do, she had to make sure Exist didn't worry, but she lingered, stalled, her eyes tracing the shape of his face. Memorizing it so she could carry it with her always. Even if he didn't want her to return. Even if he never found her again. It would be enough, she lied to herself. This would be enough for her to carry with her, to remind herself, to nourish her soul.

But even then, she knew better.

She rose to her feet gracefully, wings rustling and then settling along her slender back. For a moment she said nothing, starting out the cave's opening toward where the rest of the world waited for them before she looked back to him. She moved toward him, pressing her chest into his, lips finding his back. She could feel his pulse and it rang inside of her, each beat, each thrum steady. "Don't say anything," she whispered because she wasn't sure she could take it. She couldn't hear him say those words.

"Find me again, Dovev."

She stepped away, her mouth staying alongside him with the motion, over the shoulder, up the neck, across the cheek, and then finally against his lips, lingering there for a second longer. With a strangled noise, she finally pulled away, finding his eyes.

"I will be waiting for you."

She didn't know how long she would have to wait, or if he would ever seek her out, but she knew her heart, and she knew she had to lay it out for him. And so she did. With bruises in her amber eyes, she finally turned from him, pressing the memory of him into the deepest, most coveted parts of her mind, and walked away.

When she reached the shore, she unfurled her dragon wings and soared. But even then, she knew, she had left part of herself back in the cave with the boy who burned.

I put everything I had into something that didn't grow
like going on a wild hunt, shooting arrows without a bow

We can pick up wherever you'd like! <3