oh you think you're cute, don't you?

[Lagertha]

Shit is fucked up. You’ve got global warming, and asteroids, the polar ice caps melting, the threat of nuclear war and subsequent apocalypse, and all I want to do is buy a fucking humidor so I can smoke one of these badass Cubans and save the others. I want to go to my death at the peak of happiness: with a smoke in my mouth, chilling on a tropical island (eh, who am I kidding? A beach at dawn will do) and hashtagging everything #blessed. If I could get that hot guy from the Boston Whitecaps between my legs too, that would be sweeeeeet. He’s good with his tongue, if you know what I mean. Exit life on the waves of an orgasm. Preferably before my tits start to sag. Now that assisted death is legal in Cali, it’s totally possible, you know? As the days go by, I’m starting to think that’s my only option.


Two from two.