I tried to sell my soul last night
Funny, he wouldn't even take a bite
There is a part of him that had wanted her to stay. It had not been anything good or decent in him that had prevented him from telling her in no uncertain terms to leave. No, it had been the dark and twisted parts of him that prevented those words from leaving his lips. They would have been harsh and unkind, but it would have been far kinder than allowing the door to remain propped open.
Instead an awful part of him has grown to thrive on the bitterness and heartache of his existence. A part of him couldn’t help but want to force others to suffer the same. It’s one of the reasons he finds so little joy in anything beyond fighting. Even with the women, it has simply become more of the same. One release or the other, it hardly matters. It is the only thing he has to live for in this endless, pitiless existence of his.
He had almost been different, when his memories had stolen. And when they had returned, he’d felt something for a while. But it had been snuffed out as easily as a candle. Smothered by the realization that nothing had changed.
For a time, he had thought he could love. But he had been wrong. So very wrong.
So he snaps at this young girl who most certainly does not deserve it. He drags her into the darkness he is drowning beneath, because that is what he has always done to anyone who dared throw him a lifeline. He snorts at her words - at the confidence and sincerity in them.
“And how the fuck do you know what I deserve?” he bites back, unable to help himself. His gaze is glittering and angry, just like she accuses him of. He is taken aback by her question, though it does nothing to quell anger. He opens his mouth to tell her to fuck off as she had so gently invited him to do, but something stops him. He had squashed anything that might have once been good in him, shoving it into the furthest reaches of his soul, so it is not that which stays his tongue. But a part of him wants her to know, to stamp out the naivety she wears so boldly. Sometimes there is no saving the pitiful creatures like him. So, finally, he snaps back, “Because you look at me and think you can change me.” Sucking in a breath, he pauses before the low rumble of his harsh voice rings out again. “And I’m so fucking sick of everyone wanting me to change.”
@neuna