Help me out before I drown
Save me now before I give up
Despite her cool, calm, and collected demeanor (how well she wears the crown, he thinks) he remembers her wild silvery laughter and wonders what else lays at the true core of her, past the skin of a ruler that she must present. Her molten gaze sweeps over him just as he quickly scans her, making sure she was uninjured and overall ok. Oceane seems more than capable of taking care of herself so he’s not quite sure why he feels a twinge of relief that she seems whole and healthy. She speaks of his roaming and the corner of his mouth tugs into a small smile. He wonders if she’s been watching him or just assumes that a man whose been homeless for so long must grow restless. “Just a bit.” He pauses, his voice gravelly and low but far from cold. “Anything exciting happening that’s keeping our Queen so busy?” He teases lightly, partly curious to what was going on outside of his cove. He waits till she responds before he finally broaches what he’s been wanting to say. “I’ve been thinking. I might step out of Loess soon.”
He had seriously debated leaving Loess.
It would have been the right thing to do. For her, for her people. Remove the risk.
She deserved better than an unruly bear with a glass heart.
If he cared at all about her, he would go.
It’s because he cares about her that he stays.
As a friend of course.
Every day that he thinks to head back, his hooves start to drag in the sand. He justifies it, just another day to enjoy it before it’s gone. He’s not sure what day it changed, when he gave up fighting it. When his thoughts changed from “just another day” to “let me help her first before I leave”. It had been a long time since he had lost control of his emotions and his bear. Surely it would be ok to stay… just a little longer. He had done it before, perhaps he could do it again. “Years ago I served as a diplomat for the Heaven’s Gates, before the Reckoning and before I had the bear.” He had not spoken about his time in the Gates for a long time. He tried to not think of the ransacked kingdom he had gone back to after being spit out of Carnage’s cruel hands for the first time. How he had lost control with his new power on a beautiful innocent mare with big brown eyes that only held pity for him.
Giving a shake of his unruly forelock, exposing the sunken smooth socket beneath, he sighs and continues. “I was a diplomat and guard for Tephra as well when the lands reformed.” He leaves out all that time in between, refuses to let the memories take control. “If I’m staying here for a while then I should be paying for my keep.” His good eye searches the features of her face, remembering the dream of where she had smelled like lavender and lilacs, and wishes thoughts like that would stop creeping in unbidden. Oceane was the first friend he had made in a long time. It wouldn’t do to think that way, as if his heart wasn’t made of glass. As if he could ever trust and love again (although he does trust Oceane to an extent). As if he had anything to offer to a mare like her.
He doesn’t tell her about the nightmares, how he cannot face the darkness of the cave, how his mind has started spiraling with too much time alone without distractions. It’s bad enough, that she had seen him in the grips of his anxiety. He would not put all that on her, they were his demons to deal with and his alone.
Ledger
@[Oceane]