09-25-2020, 11:40 PM
despite the overwhelming odds, tomorrow came
I follow close behind Yanhua, not wanting to miss a word that he says. Sometimes I can be har of hearing, and I could easily miss something. It’s embarrassing. Granted, I doubt he would mind, to be honest. He seemed like such a kind, gentle soul, the kind that would never take advantage of me or abandon me. But would it feel the same if I slipped up and make a mistake? A part of me worries that I could mess this up, too, just like I did every other relationship in my life. No, he wasn’t my mother. But he is my…friend?
I shake my head, realizing that my thoughts are getting away from me again, and I’d falling slightly behind him. So I pick up into the elegant trot to catch back up with the stallion.
“I like you” he says, and the words catch me off guard so that I stop and look him straight in the eyes for a moment, my breath caught up in my chest. Then, as if from nowhere, a coy smile spreads across my face. “Well, I like you,” I say in return. I move up to walk next to him along the broad path that we followed steadily along.
As the fog closed in around us, an unusual glow comes off of him. I find myself attracted to it, wondering if it radiated a warmth (not unlike his personality), so I move just a tiny bit closer. I feel a warmth, though that could just be the feeling of being closer to him. I smile softly, more for myself than for him, but he is of course, welcome to whatever warmth that smile might provide.
So he is four. That’s two years older than myself! I feet a little embarrassed by that–not by him, of course, but I couldn’t help but wonder if my young age would be a wedge between us. It turned me quite shy for a moment, and I turn my head away, pretending to watch the path ahead of me (which I should probably be doing anyway, since I don’t know these woods like he does). I trust him, though, enough to turn my head back towards him after a brief moment. He tells me of his brother and his oldest memories, and I can’t help but smile. “Do you miss having Nashua around? I make sure to say the name, and again twice more in my head to make sure I would remember it. These are difficult names! At least Lilliana was an easier name to remember, though I’d had to remind myself a time or two, as well. “Now I’m here… I echo his sentiment with a sly smile.
Then he asks about me, and suddenly I’m completely unsure of myself. Did I want to reveal to him more about myself and my past?
I sigh softly and lower my head ever so slightly. “I’m afraid it’s not a very happy tale. My mum always said that I was her biggest mistake, that I ruined her life, because me pops left her when she was pregnant with me.” I mean, I wasn’t even born and I was already ruining her life. A part of me wants to tell myself that this is just fleeting, this moment of enjoyment, that I would screw up his life somehow, too. “When I got old enough, I left so I could stop ruining her life, and I came here.” Where I hope that I will find a family that wants me, I wanted to say, but I couldn’t be that vulnerable, not yet, anyway.
I shake my head, realizing that my thoughts are getting away from me again, and I’d falling slightly behind him. So I pick up into the elegant trot to catch back up with the stallion.
“I like you” he says, and the words catch me off guard so that I stop and look him straight in the eyes for a moment, my breath caught up in my chest. Then, as if from nowhere, a coy smile spreads across my face. “Well, I like you,” I say in return. I move up to walk next to him along the broad path that we followed steadily along.
As the fog closed in around us, an unusual glow comes off of him. I find myself attracted to it, wondering if it radiated a warmth (not unlike his personality), so I move just a tiny bit closer. I feel a warmth, though that could just be the feeling of being closer to him. I smile softly, more for myself than for him, but he is of course, welcome to whatever warmth that smile might provide.
So he is four. That’s two years older than myself! I feet a little embarrassed by that–not by him, of course, but I couldn’t help but wonder if my young age would be a wedge between us. It turned me quite shy for a moment, and I turn my head away, pretending to watch the path ahead of me (which I should probably be doing anyway, since I don’t know these woods like he does). I trust him, though, enough to turn my head back towards him after a brief moment. He tells me of his brother and his oldest memories, and I can’t help but smile. “Do you miss having Nashua around? I make sure to say the name, and again twice more in my head to make sure I would remember it. These are difficult names! At least Lilliana was an easier name to remember, though I’d had to remind myself a time or two, as well. “Now I’m here… I echo his sentiment with a sly smile.
Then he asks about me, and suddenly I’m completely unsure of myself. Did I want to reveal to him more about myself and my past?
I sigh softly and lower my head ever so slightly. “I’m afraid it’s not a very happy tale. My mum always said that I was her biggest mistake, that I ruined her life, because me pops left her when she was pregnant with me.” I mean, I wasn’t even born and I was already ruining her life. A part of me wants to tell myself that this is just fleeting, this moment of enjoyment, that I would screw up his life somehow, too. “When I got old enough, I left so I could stop ruining her life, and I came here.” Where I hope that I will find a family that wants me, I wanted to say, but I couldn’t be that vulnerable, not yet, anyway.
borderline
@[Yanhua]