[private] I craved to get back that feeling I’d known; luster

[fenris]

you know, I think it was born of a feeling that I got when I left from your home

then it turned into something repeating and I couldn’t let it alone

She was dangerous.

Not because of teeth or hoof or anything that would normally make a soul dangerous in this day and age. No, she was worse. She was dangerous because her doe eyes would be what you dreamt of. Her soft voice would be what follows you during the day. He would stand on the precipice of each day and know it was her waiting for him on the other end, regardless of what would happen. She would be there when he went to rest his head and night and the memory of her curled against his chest would feel like a bruise.

Because it was stolen moments with a heart that was never his own.

It was stolen moments where he was nothing but a stand-in—a placeholder.

It burns the back of his throat when he remembers, which he rarely does anymore. He has gotten so good at letting it fall away. So good at letting himself slip into the rhythms of a life lived on his own. He doesn’t do anything but keep moving. Fenris. The son of no one and nothing. The man who had no titles to his name, no family to speak of, nothing worth mentioning. He was a ghost in this world.

He almost doesn’t notice when he walks into Beqanna again. When the world comes into stark relief. When he follows a scent that burns. He nearly walks into her and his eyes go a little wide when he sees her finally. He swallows hard, the memories of her crashing down with a startling weight. He has gone so long now without thinking of her that he can hardly stand underneath the reminder of her.

“Little bird,” it escapes him before he can stop it, and he curses himself at the way his voice sounds so startled, the rasp of it, the grit and the gravel from disuse. There are other things that he could say, he knows. Something to come across more in control. More practiced. Less caught off guard.

But nothing comes.

who’d have known that I’d ever be reeling simply from being on my own

oh, I craved and I craved and I craved and I craved to get back that feeling I’d known