[private] I wouldn't know where to start

[Agetta]

There is little comfort in the stars anymore. Agetta remembers too clearly what Plume looked like beneath them when she broke his heart. She stands beneath them now, the cool night air thick with the scent of the rain that had only just cleared. Two foals slumber nearby, a white colt and a black filly. Her heart is a constant fluctuation between sorrow and joy as she watches the sides of their young bodies rise and fall in slumber. How long before they are destroyed by the world? How long before nightmares replace their dreams? Agetta feels the weight of the winter on her body still - or, more accurately, the lack of weight. She’s been trying harder since the twins arrived but she’s still skinny. And though she does not like to think it’s on purpose, she avoids those she knows. Avoids the concern her haggard appearance might inspire. At least the spring rains have begun to wash away the last of the blood. What’s one more thing on the list of what she is avoiding? Avoiding her daughters, pretend she’s the one avoiding Plume instead of the other way around. Avoiding the conversation she knows will be coming the next time she sees Garbage. Avoiding Hyaline - though she knows she is not far from the borders now. A brief flash of insanity had inspired her to insist on her newest children meet their father at least once - maybe even seek protection while the foals were young - but those thoughts were also washed away with the rain when the small family took shelter. She watches the twins and tries to envision a future for herself. It has been difficult for her lately, the practice of looking ahead. Of seeing hope in a situation where she only feels grief. The hollowness of her nomad years was surely better than this - but that thought is always chased by the reminder that she deserves this pain and anything else coming her way. Everything that has happened could have been avoided if she had just been a little stronger, had a little more common sense. Tonight, like every night since they were born, Agetta wonders if it would be kinder to leave them. She would only have to live with the guilt long enough to find some way to end this tormented life for good. But the impulse to leave fades a little quicker each night that passes. Instead, she watches them dream and finds herself hoping she’ll manage to dream again one day too. we are made of starstuff

artwork by yoricade

@[atrox]