05-28-2020, 08:56 PM
Memories live her, between them. They glow as bright as the stars above them, as firm as the steady ground beneath their feet. They press against her, working their way up her throat, behind her eyelids. They rest in her forehead and they are shared with Lilli as her own brushes against her. Oh the memories they share, that they hold. Oh the memories.
There is a voice that hammers at her head. It is his voice, and she silently begs the ocean to crescendo drown out the sound of it:
‘Everyone you meet, everyone you get close to...they will break you in ways you can't even comprehend yet. Even your precious little friend, Lillian, was it? You'll be a distant fond memory someday.’
“Lilliana. Her name is Lilliana. And we will never forget each other. Ever.”
The promise has held true, Elaina has thought about Lilli every day since she has known her, an ever present face in her life, even if they are not right next to each other. Lilli is there for her in ways that Elaina cannot even begin to thank her fore.
“Did you ever doubt it, Lilli?” She asks then. “That we wouldn't be friends, best friends, forever?” She breathed with a touch of fear. Elaina nuzzles close to her cousin, needing her because all of this uncertainty makes her feel so fragile. She turns then to find Lilli’s own eyes, eyes she loves so much. Blue for blue. As she speaks of her sons, her wonderful, perfect, beautiful sons. Elaina has not met them, but she didn't need to in order to know this. It is written in the smile on her cousin’s crimson face.
“They sound like they compliment one another,” she says with a smile. Nashua the storm and Yanhua the quiet just before and after. She wonders about them, she cant help herself. She had seen them in a memory, such a brief, brief memory that left her with more questions than answers. Which one of them smiled like Lilli? Did they have her eyes? Who had Aletta’s fire? And which had Valerio’s large heart? She doesn't think it now, but she will when she returns home, one evening in her home beside the sea. She will think about what her own child would be like. If she would have her own smile, if she would have Benjamin’s bravery and Beylani’s eyes. But for now the image of the twins holds her captive. And how beautiful it is.
She laughs. “Could have fooled me, Lilliana,” she says drawing out her full name in a way so childish it takes Elaina back to days of being scolded for wandering too close to the borders, or swimming in the lake when it was far too cold to do so. It is only when she sees the expression brush against her chestnut face that Elaina’s own changes. There is still a smile, but it is one of compassion and gentle love.
“Well,” she says exhaling. “Fires always need a spark,” she says turning to face the ocean for a moment. “And you’ve always been mine.” She plants a kiss upon her shoulder before blue eyes catch her own. “You remember that,” she says, and it is not a friendly offer, it is as much a command as Elaina can give to the Taigan girl.
And the memory comes.
And the memory goes.
Tears flow like a waterfall in an almost forgotten childhood home.
Lilli is reaching for her and it is only then that Elaina allows her to see. To see her in all her weakness, the way she is crumbling, falling apart. The truth of it being that it was all an illusion, she has never been strong, she was made from far too fragile of things to be so. It is only when Lilli touches her that suddenly Elaina can steady herself. Her breath still shakes and her eyes are still damp, but she no longer feels blinded by this woe that aches inside her chest for things that cannot be changed. “Here,” she laughs and it sounds like she is choking on poison. “For now, but how long will that last?” She asks because it is never enough. Her eyes flash with guilt. “Sorry,” she apologizes as quickly as she had spoken. “Marcelo once told me everything happens for a reason,” she says. “I’ve looked, Lilli. I’ve looked, but I don't think I have ever found one.”
tried to keep her quiet, but she's screaming inside me