05-27-2020, 05:44 PM
She caught sight of herself in the water once.
She looked just like her mother.
There is a part of her, a quiet part of her that Elaina hates to acknowledge, that found it terrifying.
A mother who would stay forever young, forever beautiful (death is so kind in that way, leaving that sense of immortality) is suddenly aging on Elaina’s face.
If they were seasons, Elaina would be summer, bold, bright, fiery. Her mother—winter, soft supple, a quiet snowfall. Her father autumn. Bursting with colors, the season that arrives to protect the harsh heat of summer with cooling breezes, but a warm enough sun to keep winter thawed. But autumn has always been far too short, but always long enough to fall in love with wonder of it.
The wind plants frigid kisses along her spine. “Well, that would be a foolish decision now wouldn't it be?” She jests. “That kid wouldn't stand a chance.” Elaina’s life has not aligned for children, she thinks if it didn't happen with Aerwir, it most likely would never happen with anyone. It was not in her fate to have a child. Just as. Elaina was never destined to be a leader, she knew this, she could not command the masses, could not disregard her compassion for a single person to better a kingdom. She is thankful though that is had happened for Lilli, in the end, it should have always been her. There is no one, in Elaina’s eyes who deserved a beautiful life, a beautiful family, more than her cousin. Her sister, really at the end of it.
Almost instinctively, Elaina can feel her mind drift away from her, out onto the water, something more sinister lurking below the surface. She touches her, and wishes she could absorb any pain she has away. Elaina would take it all, carve it into her very skin if it meant that Lilli could be happy and whole. The sunshine girl would wear every scar, bleed herself dry, and break every bone in her body. Underworld had scolded her, had shamed her once upon a time for such behavior, but Elaina hasn't never regretted a moment when she has stood in the line of fire for Lilli.
Lilliana always pulls her bruised and shattered body from the ashes to rise and rise again.
“How many twins in the family is this now?” She laughs. Hoshi and Hikari, troublesome, the two of them. Jay and Brielle, as different as the sun and the moon. Kylo and Kalinda, ebb and flow of pain and illusions. Tarian and Liam, a sword and a shield. Maren and Mina, two halves of a whole, wild and tamed. “Do we say if it is a blessing or a curse?” She jests, knowing that each of the children in their family have been undeniably beautiful. “By blood and bond we are bound,” she says, unable to help the way she touches her forehead to Lilli’s own for a brief moment.
Elaina has never known if she favors her mother of her father, they hadn't been around long enough for her to find out. Aesop had always laughed so gently, telling Elaina she reminded her of her mother greatly, in her laugh, her smile, the gentle crease of her eyes, the compassion of her heart. But the temper that releases out with an outspoken and stubborn attitude, Valerio has told her he expected nothing less from Benjamin’s daughter. “Your heart is fickle,” Aesop had told her one day when Elaina had ventured back to Windskeep. “Your great-grandfather was much the same way. Royal Legacy loved more women than he ought to have. Love too many, too fiercely, and you risk losing them all.” She had spoken wisely about the great-grandfather Elaina looked so much alike, sporting that palomino coat. “I don't love multiple men, Grandma, you describe me like some harlot,” she defended herself against her buckskin grandmother. “No, no Elaina, you just…too often, it seems give your heart too freely and too strongly.” Elaina had simply narrowed her eyes and turned away, signaling an end to the conversation. Her parents had always been so wholly devoted to each other and only each other and Elaina pains that she would never be able to say the same.
Elaina would never allow Lilli to follow for long. She pulls her ahead and places the kite string within her hand, desperate to watch her soar.
She smiles wide, like a little girl at her words. Even if Elaina doesn't believe them, Lilli believes in her and the golden girl finds this to be enough—for now, anyway.
“You,” she says. “Are so very wonderful.”
The joy in the memory is contagious. It is beautiful and Elaina knows, oh how she knows. It was a beautiful day, a beautiful moment.
‘Honey Bee to Butterfly. Honey Bee to Butterfly.’
‘Best friends forever.’
‘Forever and a day. Forever and always.’
And suddenly she is back in Taiga and the tears wont stop flowing from her eyes. Elaina who is strong, who has bitten her lip when she wanted to scream, who has held her breath when she wanted to cry, who blinked tired eyes when she wanted to sleep away the pain. She would never be weak, not with Lilli, she could always be strong and suddenly she doesn't know if she can be anymore. “That was the last time,” she aches, weeps, the words are strained against her sorrow. They fight through tears like a canoe upstream. “The last time anything made sense, the last time everything still seemed like it was going to be okay,” she says. “Nothing else was right after that. I was never right after that.” She turns blue eyes away to keep Lilli from seeing the truth swimming back and forth within them like fish in their childhood lake. She presses her forehead into Lilli’s shoulders, her body shaking with the sobs she so desperately wants to hold in.
tried to keep her quiet, but she's screaming inside me