she fell for the idea of him
and ideas were a dangerous thing to love
and ideas were a dangerous thing to love
She returns to Hyaline and though outwardly she is the same, inwardly it feels like a tempest trying to break out of her chest. It wasn’t uncommon for Carnage to make her feel that way; he had a way of spinning her head until she didn’t know what was real and what was fantasy, in a way that left her simmering and confused for days – sometimes weeks – afterward. The sick part of her thrived off that, of being infatuated with something – someone – she knows she shouldn’t be.
But this was different. This time there were too many moving parts, too many different things tripping her up and pulling her in every direction. There was Gail, of course, a piece to the puzzle that she knows belongs and yet she still can’t figure out where to place her.
Mostly, though, it was the entire reason she had gone in the first place that kept twisting and turning in her mind. Because it had been a stupid, foolish idea, some ridiculous notion of hers that she could find Atrox’s heart and restore Magnus’ memories and then...and then what? She had always been a selfish girl, right to her very core, and it showed every day in her actions. There was no reason to do this for Atrox other than she did care about him, in some obscure manner (as was always her way), but of course she had failed. Even if Carnage had not intercepted her, there was a part of her that had known she wouldn’t be successful.
Lingering on the edge of the lake she stares across it, though she turns her head slowly when she hears him approaching. Her heart does a strange twist in her chest; maybe because she had admittedly missed him, but mainly because she carries with her that heavy stone of failure and the sight of him causes it to weigh further down. “Sounds like you missed me,” she says with a small laugh, but the light that usually sparked in her dark eyes remains dim. She looks away from him again, and though a silence settles between them, her mind is loud.
She waits, until her thoughts are too much, until she is afraid that withholding any kind of secret from him is going to rip her apart from the inside out, and she confesses softly, “I did something stupid. Or I tried to.”
But this was different. This time there were too many moving parts, too many different things tripping her up and pulling her in every direction. There was Gail, of course, a piece to the puzzle that she knows belongs and yet she still can’t figure out where to place her.
Mostly, though, it was the entire reason she had gone in the first place that kept twisting and turning in her mind. Because it had been a stupid, foolish idea, some ridiculous notion of hers that she could find Atrox’s heart and restore Magnus’ memories and then...and then what? She had always been a selfish girl, right to her very core, and it showed every day in her actions. There was no reason to do this for Atrox other than she did care about him, in some obscure manner (as was always her way), but of course she had failed. Even if Carnage had not intercepted her, there was a part of her that had known she wouldn’t be successful.
Lingering on the edge of the lake she stares across it, though she turns her head slowly when she hears him approaching. Her heart does a strange twist in her chest; maybe because she had admittedly missed him, but mainly because she carries with her that heavy stone of failure and the sight of him causes it to weigh further down. “Sounds like you missed me,” she says with a small laugh, but the light that usually sparked in her dark eyes remains dim. She looks away from him again, and though a silence settles between them, her mind is loud.
She waits, until her thoughts are too much, until she is afraid that withholding any kind of secret from him is going to rip her apart from the inside out, and she confesses softly, “I did something stupid. Or I tried to.”
ryatah