02-16-2020, 01:49 AM
sometimes I'm terrified of my heart;
of its constant hunger for whatever it is it wants —
She has never touched anyone like this, and has never let anyone else touch her. She wants it to mean something – she knows it is supposed to. She wants her heart to skip and her skin to turn warm when they touch her, she wants to know what it means to melt against someone and forget everything.
She doesn’t feel any of that, though, and she knows it isn’t right.
There is something wrong with her, and even if she has always known it, Thomas brings it further into the light. Until it is so bright and shining in her face that she cannot ignore it, no matter how badly she wants to smother it with shadows. Because she has here before her the most beautiful, perfect boy, and instead of feeling the promise of romance, there is instead the ugly face of possessiveness. She wants to take those butterflies in his gut and trap them in a jar to keep them all for herself, not really caring that they would eventually die and wither away. She wants to keep him close and make him hers, even if she doesn’t know how to be his.
He kisses the sensitive skin behind her ear, and for the first time, she trembles. She feels the warmth of his lips against her and involuntarily she sucks in a breath, her dark eyes half-closed as she instinctively leans into him. She feels the way his heart beat harder, her nose still pressed into his chest, but with the spark of his touch still warm against her skin she turns her head, and her pale lips caress against his jaw. “I’ll worry about you anyway,” she says with a breathy laugh, and she doesn’t pull away from where her lips now still linger near his mouth. “I live in Pangea, with my brother, Stave.” She thinks of Pangea, and how even though she doesn’t find it especially pretty or wonderful, it had still become home. “You could come with me, if you wanted.”
She doesn’t feel any of that, though, and she knows it isn’t right.
There is something wrong with her, and even if she has always known it, Thomas brings it further into the light. Until it is so bright and shining in her face that she cannot ignore it, no matter how badly she wants to smother it with shadows. Because she has here before her the most beautiful, perfect boy, and instead of feeling the promise of romance, there is instead the ugly face of possessiveness. She wants to take those butterflies in his gut and trap them in a jar to keep them all for herself, not really caring that they would eventually die and wither away. She wants to keep him close and make him hers, even if she doesn’t know how to be his.
He kisses the sensitive skin behind her ear, and for the first time, she trembles. She feels the warmth of his lips against her and involuntarily she sucks in a breath, her dark eyes half-closed as she instinctively leans into him. She feels the way his heart beat harder, her nose still pressed into his chest, but with the spark of his touch still warm against her skin she turns her head, and her pale lips caress against his jaw. “I’ll worry about you anyway,” she says with a breathy laugh, and she doesn’t pull away from where her lips now still linger near his mouth. “I live in Pangea, with my brother, Stave.” She thinks of Pangea, and how even though she doesn’t find it especially pretty or wonderful, it had still become home. “You could come with me, if you wanted.”
Desire