[private] stagnant.

[Vastra]

It’s hard to believe just how much time has passed since she had crash-landed here, since her body had violently shook her out of the form of a mountain lion and back into that of a pegasus. She thinks that this form, this horse form, is her natural one – but what if it’s not? What if it’s just another form that she has taken? It’s easy to think that this is where she began because horses are everywhere here and it would make sense for this to be home. It kills her that there isn’t anything that she knows. It’s all assumptions, all echoes of a life she no longer remembers. Maybe it is a blessing that she doesn’t but she can’t help but feel that even knowing that something awful had chased her out of where she began is better than where she is now. At least then she would know her name, know who her parents were. She’s back where she first arrived, in the exact spot. Her scent and those of the two stallions that had come to help her are gone now but she remembers it all the same. Her storm-ocean eyes have their usual intense focus even though her mind is somewhere else. Once, she hoped that someone would be able to help her unlock her memories. But it’s been two years and now she’s not sure it’s even possible. She’s made almost no progress in her attempt to assimilate into this culture, to find a home and learn from others how to be a horse again. At least she’s stopped craving the taste of meat. The feeling of genuinely not knowing what to do or where to go from where she is in that moment is beyond frustrating. Would it be easier to shift again? She hasn’t touched that power since she arrived here, worried that she’ll lose herself in whatever form she takes. But maybe that wouldn’t be so bad. She does not remember worrying so much when she was living in the foothills and hunting deer, raising cubs, fighting with rivals to extend her territory. “Shit.” She mutters into the cool morning air, closing those now-burning eyes as though simply shutting her eyes could shut out the turmoil in her mind. v a s t r a

artwork by space1993

@[Heloise]