i never said that i would be your lover
i never said that i would be your friend
i never said that i would take no other
She’s tried to come here before but never actually crossed into the strange canyonlands called Pangea. It seems odd that a place like this resides so close to Hyaline, her mountains giving way to sandstone canyons but it isn’t really. Rivers have worn away in Pangea what was forced toward the heights by tectonic shift in Hyaline. These Eastern lands are sisters in a way that she has never realized until this moment. In the bottom of the canyon the wind whips around her viciously, tearing at her blonde locks and over-drying her reddened eyes.
There had been distractions and excuses to keep her away from Pangea after he had taken it. Oh, how proud of him she had been. It was a meaningful victory to her, an act of defiance that told the world that Litotes would not be a footnote in the history of a Kingdom that had never deserved him. Still, she hadn’t managed to come here, to tell him…
Carved limestone walls rise up around her widely and then so narrow that her belly brushes against them as she passes. The canyons whisper and they howl, reciting an ancient dirge. Emerging from this tight space the sabino mare finds herself in a strange little subway canyon, a flow of clear water emerges from deeper in where the walls nearly close overhead, only a thin stream of grey light filtering down to the sandy ground. A deadfall rests within the hollow place, bleached white and smoothed by wind and water and time. Kensa’s ears flick because the wind is quieter now, or perhaps quieter here, a soft haunting hum like a song her mothers used to sing teases her. Sliding up against the old tree tucking her shoulder beneath, taking shelter as she listens hard…
But all her heart talks about is him.
So many times she has seen him die, her Lion man gone to the plague they had carried around for so long like a badge of courage. She’d always been sure the two of them would make it, would overcome it and be stronger than those who had hidden from it. In the end everyone had succumbed and when it seemed like Beqanna herself was going to fall away beneath the weight of sickness Litotes had saved her. Had joined in saving them all.
I won’t ask you to stay. The last words she can remember saying to him. She must have told him she loved him the day he’d died, in those last moments they had together but she cannot remember doing it, only the shrieking fear and anger and pain of watching the love of her life die. The rushing in her head hadn’t stopped since then, not as her body rounded again, his child growing inside her once more. A child she didn’t want, knowing it would look so much like him, that his eyes would glitter from its tiny face. That was wrong, wasn’t it? She was supposed to crave even the smallest part of him. As much as she should want the babe in her belly Kensa has learned that Rage is the lover of Grief and a small part will not be enough.
“Lie.” Her voice, keening, echoes against the canyon walls, joining the ancient strain carried through the labyrinth. She did not show this weakness in Hyaline, there she must be smiles and confidence. That lesson was learned hard, and even with Lie dead she will not be seen as a fool by the Cove’s plaster saints ever again. Her loyalties are to Hyaline, to her family, to truth both jagged and beautiful. The thing about truth is, not everyone deserves to know its every verse. Some things should be reserved only for those who have earned our deepest trust. No one has earned the right to see her break this way. “Lie, I can’t.” The sob wracks her and her eyes spill tears that burn like fire along the raw edges of her lids. Her mane sticks to the damp streaks on her dusty cheeks when she drops her head. It is too loud and heavy to hold up atop the tired bow of her neck. Legs aching she shifts them, the the weight of her belly strains them but she doesn’t lower herself to the ground, doing so would mean giving up the burl of wood burrowing painfully into her shoulder and she needs that pain like she needs oxygen, the external hurt the only thing that cuts through the ache in her chest.
@[litotes]
