and let me crawl inside your veins. I'll build a wall, give you a ball and chain.
She has never been one of those soft, mild girls that always knew what to say. She didn’t know how to get someone to bend to her will because they wanted to; she only knew how to make them. But she had tried for him, even if it didn’t seem like it, even if he didn’t see it. She had tried to come back enough so that maybe he would learn that she would always come back, if only he could just accept that parts of her would always be too wild, too fierce, to simply stay in one place for long. She became a tamer version of herself around him, but she didn’t know how to be something entirely different; something docile and reliable. She didn’t know how to stay. She didn’t know how to build stability and confidence in a relationship when all she had been born with was absolutely nothing.
She just knows that she tries, for him, and she still comes up short.
When he speaks, she can feel her heart begin to quiver in her chest. Her face remains stoic, but she knows it is a useless front in the wake of the tears that still wet her cheeks. He seems sincere when he speaks, and genuine in his thoughts, but she’s beginning to doubt herself. He had never given her any indication that he would stray – but what a stupid, foolish thing that had been for her to fall for. Of course he would. She starved him of everything he looked for, and she had eventually pushed him too far. And maybe that realization is why her anger and humiliation fades into guilt.
He wants to touch her. He is thinking it, and she waits for it. She waits for him to make the first move to fix what now lay broken between them, but he doesn’t. He is worried of what her reaction will be, and this brings a new wave of regret that tightens the lines of her face and darkens the blue of her eyes. “Ophanim,” his name still tastes with the salt of her tears that settled in the back of her throat, and for once, she is not stubborn, and she goes to him. She ducks her head beneath his wing, placing herself into the curve of his side just as she has done countless times before – hundreds of times, since the day they had met. “If I was never going to come back, I wouldn’t even be here now.” This, of all times, would have been the perfect excuse to cast him aside, if that had ever been what she wanted to do.
Her delicate muzzle rests on the slope of his shoulder, and even though her doubts and her hurt nag relentlessly in the back of her mind, she cannot pry herself from his side. “You have always been enough.” There is a sorrow to the notes of her voice, an undertone of dejection that she usually never lets find its way through. “But I knew I would lose you to someone else someday.” She presses her lips against his skin, lashes fluttering closed over her cobalt eyes as she whispers into him, “Do you love any of them?”
starsin
it’s not like me to be so mean. you’re all I wanted.
( just let me hold you Like a hostage. )
