and you say that i hurt you in a voice like a prayer, leliana

[vulgaris]

VulgariS

take me, take me back to your bed. i love you so much that it hurts my head.
say, i don't mind you under my skin. oh, let the bad parts in, the bad parts in.

There will be risks, leaving the Pampas as he does now. He knows this and still he runs headfirst into the fray. His legs carry him as quickly as he can manage and only one thought drives him until he’s soaked in sweat, glistening in the setting sun like some reckless diamond. Vulgaris’s strides show no signs of slowing as he spots the river up ahead. No, he plunges straight through and onto the other side. He has to find her. He has to know she’s alright. And if she’s not, then the plague can have him anyway.

But then he spots her. She’s red like life, like everything he’s ever wanted. And she’s sick.

Vulgaris slows until he’s in front of her, pulling her close with his head over her neck in sweet reunion. She’s burning hot to the touch and he doesn’t know what to do or say to comfort her now. His lips find the curve of her throat, still practiced and greedy for her as before while he kisses along her skin. This is the only heaven he’s ever known, he thinks. This is the closest to God that anyone could hope for. The apologies come bleeding from his lips so readily.

“I’m so sorry. I never wanted you to go. I never wanted you to think you weren’t enough,” he mumbles against her skin. More and more words flood the air between them but his voice is too slurred between ugly, shaking sobs to make sense. He closes his eyes tight and tries to just be thankful she’s alive. But god, what does this mean for her future? What does this sickness mean for their unborn baby? He doesn’t dare give voice to these horrors but instead lets them eat away at him from the inside with the guilt and shame.

Before now, he never knew the greatest way to punish him was through the ones he loved. Break his bones, whip his back, set him on fire – all of this would be fine with him. But to see his true love ill and to dangle his children’s lives before him? This was pain he never knew existed.

@[leliana]