09-14-2018, 02:05 PM
Momma. God, she remembered that feeling, eyes all lit up and sparkling, a happy little dance closer to sneak a little kiss to skin that smelled like home. Except home never gave her enough, never gave her what she needed. “Hi, sweetheart,” she said back softly, painting the smile on her face that she’d always wanted to see on her mom’s. Even if the last thing in the world she felt like doing was smiling. “What’d you have in mind?” She reached down to brush Zynnie’s forelock out of her eyes, lipping at the hair and doing her best to put love or at least tenderness into the motion. Soft, gentle, sweet little touches.
More soft touches for Zoe too, returning her daughter’s affection with brushes of the velvet softness of her nose and warm breath against her skin. Zoe seemed to have other games in mind, however; perhaps she’d learned Momma wasn’t very good at playing, learned not to ask it of her unless she wanted to mood of the game to shift down from such youthful exuberance.
At least their games were better than hers and Zor’s had been.
Zoe nipped her sister to draw her attention and ire and then took off, just about begging Zynnie to give chase. And Dizzy couldn’t help the relief that flooded her. There was only so much she could pretend, and snuggles and soft touches were far easier than laughter and bright eyes and playful grins. Playing took so much more out of her, and she already felt like she had next to nothing to give.
And then there was one.
She should want those soft touches too, should love the soft little brushes of his lips against her face, her muzzle, just behind her ear. That hot little breath of amusement should get her heart beating faster, her eyelids heavier, a languid warmth spreading through her veins. She could remember the feeling if she tried hard enough. But it was so long gone. She didn't turn away, wouldn’t do that to him, but she didn’t have it in her to melt against him with a happy little sigh.
“Can you believe we made those two?”
She went still for a heartbeat, not quite sure how to answer. That ‘we’ was not just the two of them was something they never talked about, never even hinted at. But even factoring in the other part of ‘we,’ she still had a hard time believing they were real, or hers, that any of this was her life. So she shook her head, careful to make sure the expression on her face at least resembled his amused awe. “No.” Soft, sweet, with a smile on her lips to warm the word from god no, I don’t know what I’m doing I can’t breathe how is this my life? to no, they’re perfect, isn’t it amazing? “Can you?”
Maybe it was the same for him. Maybe they were both lying, trying so hard not to let their little family down that they felt completely alone in the way sometimes looking at them made her want to just god please wake up. That she watched them and wondered if this was how her and Zor’s mother felt about them, that utter lack of connection like objectively she knew those babies came out of her body and were hers, that she’d made them, grown them inside her, carried them until they were big enough to survive outside of her, and then labored to bring them into the world...but she couldn’t feel it, couldn’t feel that bond she was supposed to have with them.
She was supposed to breathe in their scents and be overwhelmed with maternal love, right? Just melt into a dopey grin and want to do nothing but cuddle them and fuss over them and make their lives happy and perfect. She felt none of it, but the last thing she wanted was to be her mom. So she lied with every touch, with every kiss, closing her eyes and dreaming of the mother she would’ve wanted if she’d had a choice, and doing her damndest with every breath to pretend that was who she was.
Maybe Zor was doing the same? She barely managed not to hold her breath waiting for his answer. Maybe it’d be more real than hers.
More soft touches for Zoe too, returning her daughter’s affection with brushes of the velvet softness of her nose and warm breath against her skin. Zoe seemed to have other games in mind, however; perhaps she’d learned Momma wasn’t very good at playing, learned not to ask it of her unless she wanted to mood of the game to shift down from such youthful exuberance.
At least their games were better than hers and Zor’s had been.
Zoe nipped her sister to draw her attention and ire and then took off, just about begging Zynnie to give chase. And Dizzy couldn’t help the relief that flooded her. There was only so much she could pretend, and snuggles and soft touches were far easier than laughter and bright eyes and playful grins. Playing took so much more out of her, and she already felt like she had next to nothing to give.
And then there was one.
She should want those soft touches too, should love the soft little brushes of his lips against her face, her muzzle, just behind her ear. That hot little breath of amusement should get her heart beating faster, her eyelids heavier, a languid warmth spreading through her veins. She could remember the feeling if she tried hard enough. But it was so long gone. She didn't turn away, wouldn’t do that to him, but she didn’t have it in her to melt against him with a happy little sigh.
“Can you believe we made those two?”
She went still for a heartbeat, not quite sure how to answer. That ‘we’ was not just the two of them was something they never talked about, never even hinted at. But even factoring in the other part of ‘we,’ she still had a hard time believing they were real, or hers, that any of this was her life. So she shook her head, careful to make sure the expression on her face at least resembled his amused awe. “No.” Soft, sweet, with a smile on her lips to warm the word from god no, I don’t know what I’m doing I can’t breathe how is this my life? to no, they’re perfect, isn’t it amazing? “Can you?”
Maybe it was the same for him. Maybe they were both lying, trying so hard not to let their little family down that they felt completely alone in the way sometimes looking at them made her want to just god please wake up. That she watched them and wondered if this was how her and Zor’s mother felt about them, that utter lack of connection like objectively she knew those babies came out of her body and were hers, that she’d made them, grown them inside her, carried them until they were big enough to survive outside of her, and then labored to bring them into the world...but she couldn’t feel it, couldn’t feel that bond she was supposed to have with them.
She was supposed to breathe in their scents and be overwhelmed with maternal love, right? Just melt into a dopey grin and want to do nothing but cuddle them and fuss over them and make their lives happy and perfect. She felt none of it, but the last thing she wanted was to be her mom. So she lied with every touch, with every kiss, closing her eyes and dreaming of the mother she would’ve wanted if she’d had a choice, and doing her damndest with every breath to pretend that was who she was.
Maybe Zor was doing the same? She barely managed not to hold her breath waiting for his answer. Maybe it’d be more real than hers.