[private] Kagerus, dear

[Kagerus]

kagerus

and in my dreams I've kissed your lips a thousand times

He says it back, but not long after, his gaze breaks from mine as if some part of loving me hurts him. My gut twists with this realization, beginning me to find some way to fix him, to change him, to protect him from his nightmares like I did when he was young: but the wiser part of me now recognizes him as his own entity, one not needing fixing or repair. Although we walk different paths in life, I must acknowledge that mine is no more right than his, simply different: and though our paths may often drift apart, some piece of me knows that they will always intersect again, someplace ahead. We must simply continue forward, trusting the fates to realign our stars.

He speaks again, towards the dirt, but his words are distraction enough for my frazzled, too-full brain. He asks about my life, and then about his parents (my parents). My heart crumples a little further when I realize that he asks because he will not see them; but a part of me fully recognizes why he is incapable of such a task. He has never been alike to them in that way that I always was; he is an outcast to them, not because they hate him (in fact they love him more than he knows); but because, in their elderliness, they simply cannot understand.

"Mom and dad are doing well; growing old together in the deep recesses of Hyaline. I don't see them often, but Dad sometimes comes to play with his grand-children." A weak smile colours my expression at the thoughtless mention of multiple grandchildren. Should his eyes pop up in concern, I shake my head slowly, a soft, bemused laugh trailing behind the motion. "Solace's children with another stallion, and Abysm. We are one large, confused family: if you'd like to meet them sometime, you are more than welcome to."

"Of my life..." I pause a moment, eyes toying with the sinews of his muscles and the flick of his shadows as he continues to drop his eyes from mine. "Well, I ascended Hyaline's throne, and now am seated upon it alongside Solace. Benefits of being her lover, I suppose," I say in what I attempt to make a lighthearted and joking tone, though the sound comes out strained. "But really, that's all that there is to know... Hyaline has absorbed most of my free time; her and her other Queen."

I'm about to ask him how his life has been, when suddenly he interjects two simple words, followed by a devastating silence. He tried. Again that twisting feeling in my stomach brings bile to my tongue, but I swallow it back dutifully. I've burdened him with enough of my tale of woe; I mustn't show any more brokenness that he could potentially have caused.

I am whole where he is broken; isn't it my job to meld us into one?

"I know you did," I whisper, stepping towards him and pressing my mouth to the curvature of his neck, allowing him the eye-anonimity he so needs to survive this encounter. "And I am proud of you. What you are, Khaedrik - what you are is enough. You don't need to worry about that with me; no ever."

@[Khaedrik] Nope now it's my turn to be sorry, holy moly! Sorry for the wait!!