[open] Unbidden, unbroken, untimely; Kagerus, Kasanova; Any

[Insignificance]

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So we walk - in this hushed hybrid time when day collapses into night. And I dream, a dream about memories.  So many faces, so many memories. I wonder why it is that I stumbled upon these remnants of the past again. Maybe it’s because I´ve  put them down – slowly and one by one, I´ve left most of them behind me, like wet footprints in the sand. Or maybe it’s that the past was that elusive thing I was pursuing all these wandering years, a chain of footprints that ends in a circle.  I haven´t forgotten these faces, their names, but I just haven’t been remembering. Seeing them again (if only in my mind) is like getting lost and finding the loveliest of flowers where once you had buried a seed and forgotten. But my dreams are not of flowers or stardust , no. In my head is nothing but the twisted whispers coward, coward, coward that hit me like a freight train of agony and regret. I walk in silence – lost to the torment in my own head. My ignoble nose is kept gently touching the back of Kagerus. She is the cane to which I grasp like a lost bird in the storm. But if she talks I do not hear – my mind has wandered elsewhere – scattered, but she is still the anchor to where my consciousness – what is left of it, all senses and no senses, cling. Perhaps I am finally losing my mind. I walk mindlessly, lifting my legs and tipping my head so that my soot-black hair falls to the side, away from my eyes. It gives me a whimsical sort of look, that of a girl high-stepping over puddles as she dreams of another world. But our hearts beat in rhythm and all will be well – I am a hapless shadow in the wake of Kagerus – withered and thin, like a skeleton draped with moonshine.  Then suddenly she stops in the middle of a field (the field) and with a pathetic yelp I collide into her. There is no strength in my brittle bones, but the force of the collision is enough to snap me out of my daydreams. Is this it? I says softly, disoriented -  taking a step back - standing just far enough that both our shadows could lie between us. And for the first time during our journey – I lift my eyes to look at my friend - the fading fire of the sun plays across the tapered lines of her face, touching the pressed line of her mouth, the sadness at the corners of her eyes. Suddenly I remember why we´re there, and my eyes search for the cream colored yearling, quietly wondering if he too, had followed us here.      What a sad sight we must be .      insignificance