Bound for trouble from the start
I've been walking through this old world in the dark
When her bones protrude from her skin, it should have shaken him. It hadn’t, so in the grips of his passionate row that he couldn’t be swayed. If he hadn’t been so angry, so emotional, he might have laughed. Might have said, oh I have surprises too. But the bear was locked away even as it rattled it’s cage, begging to come out. Instead it all barely registers for he’s not really looking at her, not really tirading at her. They both know this.
His heart is throbbing in his chest as he slowly comes back to reality, a rushing in his ears and he shakes his head to rid himself of his confusion. Her whispers reach him as he settles, soft words that crawl up the length of his spine and send shame coursing in it’s wake. It’s been so long since he had felt anything other than anger, for a split second he is almost himself again. And still he can’t help but respond dully, ”But you wanted him to.” A pause before he cranes his neck so his good eye could meet her shaken gaze. ”We always want him to.” Magnus could never fully love them. Raaquel had tried, she had tried so damn hard. Ledger had tried, wanting nothing more then to just be held by his father and told everything would be ok. Deep down he is still that frightened newborn colt, swaying next to his dying mother as her murderer stole him away.
Joelle had held his full heart and he’s heard so many stories about her, knows so much about their past and the part his mother and himself played in it even though he hadn’t been there. He hates Joelle, a ghost that haunts him just as much as it haunts his father. What did she have that none of them didn't? What made her so special? Why was she more important then any of them? It wasn't fair, she was dead. And yet she would always hold more of Magnus's affection and love then those still alive, still desperate and willing to do anything for just a taste of what she had gotten.
None of them are ever good enough, worthy enough of Magnus’s full heart. Her hesitant words are almost soothing and he stares at the ground before him, stares at nothing. Almost catatonic. Did he believe her? He merely rolls his shoulders, a small shrug. ”Perhaps. I just don’t think he’s capable of it.” How can you love anyone if you can’t love yourself? Maybe Ledger was the lucky one. He had always known he was broken. At least he had never dragged anyone down with him.
” I am sorry Ellyse.” The regret has taken hold of him now and he continues to stare numbly ahead of him into the purple shadows of the moors in the distance. He can say nothing more, fractured and raw in front of her. Worn out. Exhausted. And most of all, depressed.
Ledger