» Innocence is always unsuspicious «
I have never wanted to walk more slowly in my life, and I did walk slowly, not so much so that it was obvious but there was no hustle to my rhythmic march away from Chem. I wanted him to come stop me, wanted him to prove that at least I was right about him caring for me. That at least before it all dissolved away to nothing I was right and that we had something That I didn’t give him my time, my body to just be “another” of his girls. I wasn’t stupid, I knew that teal eyed boy had many he called his… but from what they had been through, I always thought our relationship was a little bit more. Anyway, I wanted him to come, or at least say something. I knew shouldn’t even bother but I couldn’t help wanting that closure. I’m allowed that. Yes.
I strain for the sound of his voice, though I can’t honestly say I remember it in detail, I am almost out of sight the hill leaving only croup of my back, that tallest spot of my hind visible from the top of the hill when he calls out. “I see you.” It rattled me, that sound, hearing him again brought everything back in a way I wasn’t quite expecting. It is funny the intimacy of a voice, how it can move you. I stop surely he notices that I do, but I still don’t turn around. I am simply frozen there listening for anything else he will say. “If you would come here, Ves, I can try to explain…” I mulled that over noted his inflection and I knew there was something behind it, apprehension? Or maybe regret? I wasn’t sure but I didn’t fully believe he would. Shoot, maybe I was just jaded but I knew I had to be firm; I knew I needed him to come to me this time. I turned around and walked up the hill just far enough so I knew he could see me but I stopped there. I wouldn’t come further to him.
I wasn’t the lost filly in the woods any longer. I wasn’t scared in the darkness, I had been through much darker things now, and I had come through them alone, while raising Chem’s son, Godric. I wouldn’t go backward, and Chem would have to understand. Chem would have to come to me, come find me if he wanted me in his life. If I meant what I thought I did to him he wouldn’t have a problem doing so. There was also this whole “having it out” in front of Svera, and a few other mares that had shown up who were obviously listening in on Chem and this situation. I stood there looking dead at Chem, as he spoke of his new home and I wasn’t sure I cared to know where he was, didn’t want the temptation of curiosity to take me to him first. So before I could fall into that knowledge, I spoke, said my piece. “No Chem. I won’t. I can’t. I won’t hash our business in public like this. And I can’t be the one to come to you, not this time. If mean that much to you...I ever meant anything to you... you’ll find me so we can talk privately."
My voice is calm, it wasn’t hateful, vindictive, or even fictitious. But I wasn’t lighthearted. No, there was a steady firmness to my tone that said I wouldn’t change my mind about this. I held my gaze to his, my expression almost sad like I was recalling what we once were, what we once had. That moment ended however and I turned and left. I knew I would see him again, the question was would it be a random encounter or would it be the purposeful visit I told him we would have to have to discuss things. I didn’t know but I turned and walked away back down the hill, and broke into an easy canter at the base as I headed off to my new home. I didn’t look back, but I knew that seeing Chem again had drummed up all those old feelings again… and I wasn’t sure what I was going to do about them.
Vessel
Kimber x Nymphetamine
ooc: Not trying to ignore everything else going on, just wanted to wrap up Ves' part in this to alleviate the mass group reply (ma group threads can be tough huh?!). Prism, feel free to have Chem "find" ves for their own thread
