[private] Bloodfeather || Lilliana ||

[lilliana]

She is trying so hard to explain herself.

Lilliana is laying herself bare, inch by inch with a rope that she expects to hang herself by. She doesn't know what she hopes to achieve by exposing herself so much, by revealing so much of herself against the forest shadows that would otherwise render them into obscurity. The chestnut mare is determined that Wolfbane sees her very much for who she is - someone who is riddled with faults and flaws.

Perhaps he already does.
(And that knots in her chest - does he think less of her already for agreeing to meet him here?)

The thought makes that frantic heart of hers writhe and twist in protestation, fills her with emotions that she shouldn't have but does. Oh but she does.

He agrees with her and for a moment, she wants to tell him that he is missing the point. His absence brought about the revelation that she didn't want to be without him and that.. that realization has perched precariously on her mind. Lilliana wants to tell him how hard she has tried to rid herself of it - how she has tried to drown it out with recruiting, with attempting to be a Diplomat, with shackling herself with so many other responsibilities and thoughts that he possibly couldn't remain in her thoughts.

She has tried to bury him, as she does so many other things. A roguish smile that hints at a secret she so badly wants to know. The softening of his navy-masked face as the green eyes that look to her break walls that he couldn't know existed. The warmth that floods her veins, a spark that has turned to an inferno burns and leaves only the sensation of him in its embers. Lilliana has tried to bury him and instead has planted something, something that his kisses against her crimson forehead breathes life into. It shines light into something that she would have otherwise kept in darkness and it blooms as he breathes his next words into her neck.

It is the hope she sees in his eyes - shining and bright against what otherwise is a dark thing. What she feels for him shouldn't be; this is illicit. It goes against the very core of who she is and what she is - the thought that this happiness she has found comes at the price of someone else rankles through her soul like the chill in the bitter autumn breeze. It shouldn't be and yet it is the want for his happiness that settles around her heart, that places itself at the very forefront of it.

Her heart catches in her throat as he speaks again.

"If I let you," she murmurs into the warmth of him. He speaks of flaws and she could laugh. What of her sins? What of her faults? There is a long moment she says nothing at all and it is only the silence of the night that moves in on them, the depth of it that could bury them if they let it. "Bane," comes the heated sigh of his name, hot and breathless as she presses it into his muscled neck. "Is this what you want?"

"If it is," she whispers because there is still time for him to change his mind. She won't begrudge his decision if he does, he has so much more to lose. Lilliana won't ask him to risk hellfire and damnation for something he isn't sure of. 

But she will risk it for him.

"If it is, then yes. My answer will always be yes."

@[Wolfbane]