you can hear when the heart stops - kensley

[kensley]

( i swore the days were over of courting empty dreams ------------------------------------------i worshipped at the altar of losing everything ) The Kensley of old would have gone to her. He would not have hesitated. He would have touched her like he had any right at all. He would have taken the one small step she took toward him as an invitation and plunged himself into the cold with her. He would have bled his heart dry to offer her some warmth. But he looks at her now and he understands that she had never really been his. He had loved this about her, too. That she had never truly needed him. That she had always been just out of reach. But he’d touched her then and they’d had their daughter and it had been enough for him because he’d known better than to love wild things. Still, he has carried her with him for years. And he has protected his heart from every attempt anyone has ever made to stake their claim on it because it has never not belonged to her. She speaks and the sound of her voice calls to mind so many memories he has kept buried. Again, he smiles and exhales and studies her face. “Yeah,” he says and he casts a glance around the landscape the spools away from them. This place is familiar, but it is the only one. “Although, I don’t know where here is anymore,” he adds. He shifts his focus back to her face then and it puts a twinge in his useless heart, even after all this time. He should feel something, he thinks. Some kind of giddy warmth. He should feel awash in that same old glow. He should feel alive with heat and light. But he is tired and so much has changed and he looks at her now and all he can feel is so terribly adrift. Because things had fallen apart so suddenly and he has loved her all this time and he doesn’t know what that means, if anything at all. “I never thought I’d see you again,” he admits after a moment, quiet, a faint furrow in his brow as he meets her eye, his expression plaintive.  ( but you had a halo made of diamonds resting on your head---------------------------- i should be dealing with my demons but i'm dodging them instead )