it's just a little white lie, adna

[adna]

I will commit my soul to your door tonight, and I'll last 'til the gas fumes float on higher

She swallows hard when he affirms her answer but does not reach for her.

She tries to not feel the cold of the distance between them and she fights against the marrow-deep need to finally close it, but she does not trust the way that her head swims. She does not trust the way that she nearly shakes with relief and the fear that comes with it because she would break this.

She would break this like she breaks everything in her life.

“I don’t want to fight either,” her voice is steady despite it all, despite the shivers that send earthquakes down her spine. And she laughs at what he says next, shaking her thin head and finding that the laughter sounds something like a sob on her tongue—because all they have ever done is assume.

She wants to tell him that she will stop assuming.

That she will be better—that she will finally find peace between them.

But the words don’t come. The silence just stretches as she frowns, as she shifts her weight a little and looks at the ground before glancing back up to study his face. “Is this what you want?” she finally asks, swallowing the panic that spreads throughout her. Because he didn’t look relieved. He didn’t look happy. He looked trapped. She makes a motion downward to all of her. As if trying to show him all of her flaws.

“Because I know I’m a mess. I know—“

She stops, rolling her shoulders.

“I just want you to be sure.”

in a dying love I'm nothing but a stone cold liar but, oh, I got an iron in that fire

Adna