it's just a little white lie, adna

[adna]

I will commit my soul to your door tonight, and I'll last 'til the gas fumes float on higher

She wishes it was easier to tell him about all of the different ways her life has built around itself around him. How she has become completely and totally reoriented by his presence in her life. But, she reminds herself, she has. She has told him so many times how she feels and it’s never been returned.

Each and every time, it has been diverted.

Or simply accepted.

And she is not sure that she can survive it one more time.

But he is standing there, so close, and he is being so careful with the words that he hands to her—like he is worried about how quickly she may ignite. And could she blame him? All she has ever shown him was that she would set them both on fire at the very first moment, at the very first provocation.

So she bites back her fear that would turn her ugly and mean.

She bites back the fear that rises in her throat and tells her to flee.

Adna forces herself to meet his steady gaze and lose herself in it for a second, to see the depths of it and then draw herself back out. “I’ve wanted together since the first moment I met you,” she confesses for what feels like the millionth time and she prepares herself for the crash that inevitably will come.

She wants to tell him that she knows he wants something different.

That she knows and it’s okay.

But all she hears is how often he has accused her of assuming and she swallows it down again.

in a dying love I'm nothing but a stone cold liar but, oh, I got an iron in that fire

Adna