catch my troubled head when you're away, adna

[adna]

I will commit my soul to your door tonight, and I'll last 'til the gas fumes float on higher

This is the reckoning that she has been waiting for.

The secrets that have boiled in her chest, simmered and spit and bit at the back of her mind. She thinks of it every time that she looks down to her beautiful daughter—so fierce and vicious and angry. She thinks of it when she looks at Beth’s solemn face and remembers how he had told her that he would never love her. The fear that he will leave her for Sabbath. The self-hatred she feels blossoming in her poisonous chest.

All of it roils and bites and she can barely hold it back.

And when she sees Sabbath stalking toward her, she knows.

It’s time to meet it.

There are tears in the corner of her sage-green eyes and she glances down to her daughter at her feet and wishes that her sister had found her alone. Wishes that her daughter did not have to be here for this.

But that wish is nothing compared to the bruising of listening to her sister’s venom.

She just shakes her head. “No,” she chokes out. “No. I didn’t know until it was already too late. I didn’t know that you,” her voice cracks painfully, “knew him too. I didn’t know what to do.”

But it doesn’t matter. She knows that.

It doesn’t matter because she knew and she didn’t say.

She stayed hiding in Taiga and pretending that she could be happy.

She was so terribly selfish and her heart clenches in her test and her teeth grit together. “I am so, so sorry, Sabbath. I was wrong. I made a mistake. I-I,” words no longer come, and she drops her head.

in a dying love I'm nothing but a stone cold liar but, oh, I got an iron in that fire

Adna