so reckless you might start feeling; beth

[adna]

one touch will make you so nervous you might stop breathing
one touch will make you so reckless you might start feeling
one touch will finally show to me what you can't hide

Maybe it could be like this forever, she thinks, as they press on through Loess—sticking to the borders. Maybe they would always be able to find themselves again in the center of it. Maybe his heart would not drag him outward and she would always be able to find the calm with his help. Maybe the rest of the ghosts that lurk outside their borders would not eventually rush in, crumbling their walls.

Maybe she would never have to face the fact that she has betrayed her sister.

Maybe Gospel really would love to care for her father.

Maybe it could be like this.

She so desperately wants to believe that is true that it almost feels like reality in her chest. She she desperately want to believe that they can find true happiness that she lets it sink in and stay.

They walk in silence for a little longer, their steps purposeful, and her eyes constantly roving for a sign of the serpent in the shadows. He tells her that they will find their daughter and she believes him. Believes that he will lead them together to their daughter. Believes that they will be happy.

The hope is a dangerous thing in her chest, she thinks.

“Do you remember how I said I think I was meant to find you?” she asks quietly as they walk and her chest constricts, her mouth goes dry, and she reminds herself that she has promised to not push him. Wishing she could take it back, she just frowns, feels him against her shoulder, grows quiet.

“It’s a funny thing to feel like something was planned,” she says simply.

She wishes she could bite her tongue off completely.

ADNA