[private] you could be the light in my dark night; neverwhere

[lilliana]

The realist and the dreamer. What a pair they make. (Neverwhere perhaps doesn’t want to acknowledge that they are a pair but little does she know how stubborn the chestnut can be, how resolute she is in those she allows into her inner circle.) Whether the silver mare realizes it or not, she has earned Lilliana’s respect and admiration. That means there will be visits, more interactions between the two because the crimson mare is quite determined to let Neverwhere know that somebody (Lilli) misses her.

They might have two completely different upbringings – Never left to the elements and the primal instincts of survival and Lilli safely kept nestled in the heart of her family – but Lilliana is steadfast in her decision that she will see Neverwhere again.

In the silver of moonlight, when everything is painted in shadow and unknown, she can hear the splashing of Neverwhere as she closes the distance between them. She feels the warmth of her as she presses her muzzle into her shoulder and Lilli turns her head, softly smiling into the dappled form of her friend. There is sadness there, an ache and a hollow that can never be filled as much as Lilli tries. There will always be a regret there – about what should have been.

”Don’t be,” she ushers gently into the night. For her friend who is so grounded, Lilli tries to share her reasons for stumbling upon Beqanna’s shores. ”My parents have earned a right to be together after a lifetime of service,” she murmurs. A decade worth of leading and war. It had been the easiest part of her decision - letting them go. ”My brother took his family, his mate and children, to place where they might have a chance to prosper.” It’s so much easier to see this from the outside, to peer in instead of being at the heart of the storm. And finally she relents the last details, ”There was no reason left for me to stay so I came here. Without my family, there was no reason to stay.”

A smile quirks then, a playful grin that refuses to die even in the moonlight. The crimson girl is brimming with so many things: questions, anger, regret. Someday, perhaps, she will have a thicker skin. Maybe one day she will be able to wear the scars and answer the questions without flinching. But the wounds are still new and raw. They still ache and haven’t been given the time they need to heal.
Someday, perhaps, Lilli will learn to forgive herself.

But it starts with days like today, days that end with nights like this, with relationships forged with those like Neverwhere. The silver mare pulls away and Lilli feels a rush of gratitude towards the mare. She needs this, to not lose herself to the darker emotions that tend to build in a hurricane of emotion. Most days the chestnut can keep them at bay, can keep her secrets and her feelings to herself (though not very well). But on nights like tonight when the right questions are asked and the past creeps in like a fog, Lilli is grateful for the presence of someone other than herself.

It makes the ghosts bearable.

She glances towards Never, her blues warm and somehow bright in these middling hours of nightfall. ”I’ll be in Taiga if you ever feel the need the for inciting rebellions or wreaking havoc.”

@[neverwhere] congrats you have won another wine post.

you've won a 7 day stay at a girl scout camp of your choice with complimentary friendship bracelets.

kumbaya.