He had been quick to scold her and Lilli had been quicker still to forgive him.
It was a fault of hers, something that Elaina has lovingly chided her for over and over again. Lilli was too free with her smiles, too easy with her laughter, too open with her heart. In a world of hard edges ready to cut and tear, she is entirely too soft.
When Vastra excuses herself from the group, when she turns to go with a whisper of goodbye on her tawny lips and one last look to the group, Lilliana can feel herself tearing that steady gaze from Brunhilde and looking to the creamy mare who is bathed silver, haloed by moonlight, as she leaves. The crimson mare doesn’t bid her farewell but Lilli dips her head to the Pegasus as she goes, understanding her need to be alone as Lilli had recognized Brigade's apology. There is a wish, a hope behind her blue eyes, that they might meet again one day.
But the departure of Vastra leaves her with the wildfire and the antlered stallion.
Her attention turns back to them, an eerie silence that surrounds them all in the dark wood. The darkness presses against her - it comes closer and closer until Brunhilde finally stills it with her words. She seethes them at Lilli, words as fierce as any wildfire she has ever known. There is a set of her jaw, a flash of winter blue as her eyes rest on Brunhilde again, taking the brunt of her words.
Lilli deserves this. She knows this. She had known it the moment she had let those words slip out of her mouth. They had come at the expense of another and Lilli knows that no matter what the reason, whatever the motive (even if it was in defense of Brigade), it should have never been made. Lilli does find a thread of steel somewhere, something buried deep but all it comes out as is a defiant lift of her chin and those blue eyes flashing that refuse to look away from Brunhilde.
Each word is a well-calculated blow and they do exactly what the beautiful mare intends. They cut and they slash and they shred at what little reserve Lilli has left. They expose her and leave her bare.
The things that Elaina has spent a lifetime warning about, the words that Lilli has so hated being associated with come from Brunhilde’s lovely lips and Lilli lets her speak them without a breath from herself. She would defend Brigade, Vasta, even Brunhilde if she let her. Whatever the world needed of Lilli, she would give it freely and without question because that is just who she is.
But for herself there is not a word.
Because there had been someone out there once who had needed, who had deserved, her kindness and she had denied him that. Each lash of Brunhilde’s tongue is the lash that reminds her that she deserves, at the very least, this.
Her ears are ringing by the time that the fire mare turns her ire on Brigade. If Lilli could have heard the venom in her words, the chestnut girl would have said something. Anything. Enough. But Brunhilde is like a storm and when she leaves, Brigade and Lilli stand in the lull that comes afterward. The silence, the emptiness, the darkness comes again and the young mare can feel the tears sting her eyes.
They are hot, angry things with the fury that she feels at herself. She exhales, a breathe that she didn’t know she had been holding, that leaves her feeling ragged. Her heart hammers and hammers, coming louder and fiercer in its demand that Lilli acknowledge it. Lilli drops her head, letting her mane come swinging down and lets it curtain her face as she presses her eyes closed. The world goes black, leaving her momentarily blind in the wake of everything.
One moment, a few heartbeats pass until she can steady them, until she can feel the earth beneath her hooves again. She swallows and lifts her head to find Brigade. And Lilli does the only thing she knows how to do at this point, the only thing she has left to offer the red stallion: “I’m sorry.”
Another agonizing heartbeat and then she goes. Dissolving into shadow and darkness, letting the very thing that has always terrified her, claim her.
It was a fault of hers, something that Elaina has lovingly chided her for over and over again. Lilli was too free with her smiles, too easy with her laughter, too open with her heart. In a world of hard edges ready to cut and tear, she is entirely too soft.
When Vastra excuses herself from the group, when she turns to go with a whisper of goodbye on her tawny lips and one last look to the group, Lilliana can feel herself tearing that steady gaze from Brunhilde and looking to the creamy mare who is bathed silver, haloed by moonlight, as she leaves. The crimson mare doesn’t bid her farewell but Lilli dips her head to the Pegasus as she goes, understanding her need to be alone as Lilli had recognized Brigade's apology. There is a wish, a hope behind her blue eyes, that they might meet again one day.
But the departure of Vastra leaves her with the wildfire and the antlered stallion.
Her attention turns back to them, an eerie silence that surrounds them all in the dark wood. The darkness presses against her - it comes closer and closer until Brunhilde finally stills it with her words. She seethes them at Lilli, words as fierce as any wildfire she has ever known. There is a set of her jaw, a flash of winter blue as her eyes rest on Brunhilde again, taking the brunt of her words.
Lilli deserves this. She knows this. She had known it the moment she had let those words slip out of her mouth. They had come at the expense of another and Lilli knows that no matter what the reason, whatever the motive (even if it was in defense of Brigade), it should have never been made. Lilli does find a thread of steel somewhere, something buried deep but all it comes out as is a defiant lift of her chin and those blue eyes flashing that refuse to look away from Brunhilde.
Each word is a well-calculated blow and they do exactly what the beautiful mare intends. They cut and they slash and they shred at what little reserve Lilli has left. They expose her and leave her bare.
The things that Elaina has spent a lifetime warning about, the words that Lilli has so hated being associated with come from Brunhilde’s lovely lips and Lilli lets her speak them without a breath from herself. She would defend Brigade, Vasta, even Brunhilde if she let her. Whatever the world needed of Lilli, she would give it freely and without question because that is just who she is.
But for herself there is not a word.
Because there had been someone out there once who had needed, who had deserved, her kindness and she had denied him that. Each lash of Brunhilde’s tongue is the lash that reminds her that she deserves, at the very least, this.
Her ears are ringing by the time that the fire mare turns her ire on Brigade. If Lilli could have heard the venom in her words, the chestnut girl would have said something. Anything. Enough. But Brunhilde is like a storm and when she leaves, Brigade and Lilli stand in the lull that comes afterward. The silence, the emptiness, the darkness comes again and the young mare can feel the tears sting her eyes.
They are hot, angry things with the fury that she feels at herself. She exhales, a breathe that she didn’t know she had been holding, that leaves her feeling ragged. Her heart hammers and hammers, coming louder and fiercer in its demand that Lilli acknowledge it. Lilli drops her head, letting her mane come swinging down and lets it curtain her face as she presses her eyes closed. The world goes black, leaving her momentarily blind in the wake of everything.
One moment, a few heartbeats pass until she can steady them, until she can feel the earth beneath her hooves again. She swallows and lifts her head to find Brigade. And Lilli does the only thing she knows how to do at this point, the only thing she has left to offer the red stallion: “I’m sorry.”
Another agonizing heartbeat and then she goes. Dissolving into shadow and darkness, letting the very thing that has always terrified her, claim her.
LILLIANA
i left home on account of snow
(buried all the things i know)
(buried all the things i know)
@[brigade]
but it's all in the past, love
it's all gone with the wind