and let me crawl inside your veins. I'll build a wall, give you a ball and chain.
It’s almost a relief to find that the true root of his anger and pain stems from Kensa and not from her. It was selfish of her, perhaps, to be grateful that the sword turns towards another, and is no longer pointed at her own throat. But in the confusion of heightened emotions she has not been combing through every thought that passes through him. She does not realize that she, herself, had been a tipping point in the relationship of Kensa and Lie. Her feelings towards the gold-laced mare had been less romantic and driven more by lust, but of course she had cared for her. Kensa was an extension of Lie, in her mind, but she had made the egregious mistake of getting too involved with her.
Lie offers her his memories of his last fight with Kensa, and she feels like her chest is caving in. She tries to listen to as much as she can, but she finds herself blocking much of it out, shaking her head to rid her mind of their heated voices. Starsin, Starsin, Starsin, they spit her name over and over, and if she had not been aware of the severity of her mistake, she is aware now. “I’m sorry,” she whispers again, meek and unable to meet his stare.
She doesn’t look enough to see that Brigade is not apart of their fight. She doesn’t look enough to see that Lie doesn’t know about the other half of this equation, another barb to be stabbed in his chest.
Her breath leaves her lungs in a sharp gasp when he is suddenly against her, and she cannot help the instinctive way her neck curls around his. “Lie,” she whispers his name like an apology, pulling him in as though she could somehow rid him of all the hurt in that way. She moves to brush her muzzle against the dampness of his cheek, tasting the salt of tears on her lips, before once again settling against him. “I don’t know why Kensa is being the way that she is. I don’t know why she never told Brigade about you, I don’t know why she was so quick to walk away from you.”
She doesn’t realize what she is saying – she doesn’t realize that she is slowly digging a new wound into his heart, that she is going to fracture him further, because she had not read far enough into his mind. She has wrongfully assumed that if they fought about her, they fought about Brigade, too. If she had known this wasn’t the case, if she had known she was walking across a minefield, she would not have so carelessly dropped a grenade right in the middle of it. “She’s going to wake up eventually, though. She’s going to wake up and realize she lost you, and she’s going to regret it.”
starsin
it’s not like me to be so mean. you’re all I wanted.
( just let me hold you Like a hostage. )
