like the bullet you never saw coming; beth

[bethlehem]

I can get there on my own. you can leave me here alone.

And then, before he can stop it, the inevitable guilt.
Because she had said she was sorry.
But she had said it with tears in her eyes and it had felt like an attack.
Another complex part of whatever game she had dragged him into.

But she lifts her head now and she straightens her shoulders and there is some glimmer of life in her eyes when she looks at him. No, she doesn’t look happy but he knows it’s a rhetorical question and he swallows whatever answer alights on his tongue. A resounding no, certainly. Neither of them is built for happiness, he thinks, though he believes that she could find it if she looked hard enough. If she walked until her knees ached and she thought her spine might begin to disintegrate. If she walked as many thousands of miles as he’d walked, certainly she could have found something to restart her heart. But it is not him and it never was.

She takes one singular step toward him and he thinks he should meet her halfway. Some peace offering, perhaps. A truce of sorts. Forgiveness, at the very least. But he stays where he is because he doesn’t know how to navigate this unfamiliar terrain without guidance and so far all she has had to offer him is anger.

“I was never worth missing, Adna,” he murmurs and he looks away, swallows thickly, steady losing his grip on his anger as he drags in a shuddering breath. “I was never worth your sadness.”

He smiles then, another rueful thing as he tilts his head. “I’m sorry that I made you suffer.” .

BETHLEHEM

I'm just tryin' to do what's right. oh, a man ain't a man unless he's fought the fight.