This would be so much easier if he did not know the beautiful complexities of her heart. This would be so much easier if he had only cared about her gilded beauty—about the kind of beauty that lures men to their deaths and draws boats to the shore. If only she was a lighthouse and he would gladly crash on the rocks around her. If only he lusted after her; if only it was pure desire. It would be so much easier to lie to himself and sever himself from that kind of need. This would be so much simpler—so much cleaner.
But he knows that it’s more than that.
He knows that the wild tangles and thorns of his heart wanted—want—so much more.
They quiet, and he wishes they could have remained there in the storm. Instead, they live here in the eye of it and he can almost lie to himself that this is the end. He can almost pull himself and walk away—or, rather, he can lie to himself and say that he can. Because the truth is that he has never been capable of walking away from her. He has never been able to sever the connection that sprung up so quickly.
“I’ve only wanted the love of one,” he says, defeated, closes his storming eyes as he lets her lips move across the broad swath of his face. He doesn’t counter her compliment, even though he knows it’s not true. Even though he knows just how ugly and needy his heart is and how much he would devour her. Even now. But before he can draw in another breath, her mouth is on his and he returns it.
He doesn’t try and pull away or turn the edge of it into something ugly. Let him have this moment, he lies, as he deepens it and as his teeth pull at her lip, biting and then releasing. He swallows hard and lets his mouth wander from hers up the side of her face, crawling her jaw, and slipping to her throat.
This should have been forever, he thinks, as he moves closer, his chest meeting her own.
This should have been forever, he wants to cry, as his teeth graze across her shoulder and to her spine.
This should have been mine.
BRIGADE
when I was a man I thought it ended when I knew love's perfect ache
but my peace has always depended on all the ashes in my wake