there are reasons to leave; castile

[sochi]

sochi

The fear and the anger that swell in her quiet the second that he comes near.

She knows that some people may see him as imposing—the warmonger draconic king of the Eastern lands—but she only knows the stability that she has found in him. Something of the oceans that churn within him match the rhythm of her own and there has been a common ground found in the storm. She leans against him the second that he comes to her side and it is the greatest admission for her to curl into him, to press her shaking body against the strength of his, to press her forehead into his neck.

In this second, all she knows is the spice of him on the air. That warmth he exudes and the rest of the world quiets. She breathes in and tries to not think of the demons that slink forward in the back of her mind. She tries to forget the way the mare looked writhing on the ground during the first part of her quest for Carnage or the way it felt when her teeth sank into Rhonen’s throat or the blood she has spilled.

She tries to forget and when he holds her, she’s able to.

But she can’t hide there forever and eventually she pulls her head back so that she can angle it toward the tangle of limbs and fur on the ground. The baby is iridescent save for the points of black and beautiful in this form but she feels no love for it. She feels nothing but a sickening echo in her chest.

“I thought I could kill it, but I can’t,” she says and her voice cracks, somehow wavering between a feeling of failure and relief. “But I also can’t keep it here. I can’t raise it.” She pauses, reminding herself that she doesn’t have to do this alone before dragging her eyes away from the babe on the ground.

“I’ll take it to the adoption den.”

It’s a mercy and some of the pressure in her throat alleviates but she refuses to give the tiny girl on the ground an identity of provide anything outside of the barest of mentions. It is the only way that she is able to keep herself standing upright at all. That and the feel of him bolstering her, always there.

well, I can try to get you closer but I know you’d break your neck just to see the stars
and if we don’t dare to hold it then this reckless wandering love was never ours

@[Castile]