In another life, another world, Brigade may have been friends with Starsin in this moment. He may have found something similar in the sharpness of her edges and the cruelty masking the softness beneath. He may have even understood her, or believed that she at least could understand him, but instead he is left in the wake of that cruelty. It cuts him from head to heel and he feels himself come apart with it.
She delivers the killing blow with such delicacy, such practiced sweetness, that he doesn’t pick up on the poison before it hits his bloodstream. His vision goes blurry and his head swims and there is a part of him that’s shocked that he manages to remain upright at all. Instead his antlered head dips slightly, his wings tightening around his sides, and he swallows again—hard. Just trying to find something normal again.
“Right,” he manages and his voice is like sandpaper on his throat. “Of course.” He was such an idiot, he thinks. Such an idiot to think that someone like her could ever truly care about him. Such an idiot to think that she would ever truly want a young, foolish, inexperienced boy when she could have a King instead.
He was just a diversion.
But—fuck—his jaw tightens. She was so good at pretending.
He looks up for the first time in several minutes to study her and suddenly remembers that he had asked her how long it took to get to Hyaline. He feels shame burn low and deep in him, embarrassment that quickly grabs onto the kindling of his heart and turns into a rage. Misdirected and directionless—rage that does nothing but burn him alive, reminding him of all of his shortcomings and failures.
Brigade tries to stop himself from shoving the dagger in deeper but he is helpless against his heart that shatters itself against the cliffs of not knowing. He’d rather know—he needs to know.
“Why—“ he pauses to gather his thoughts, “why isn’t she Queen with him?”
He smiles and his lips feel like they will split at the edges.
“Everyone loves a love story, right?”
BRIGADE
when I was a man I thought it ended when I knew love's perfect ache
but my peace has always depended on all the ashes in my wake
@[Starsin]