how come I never got used to the feeling of sleeping in a cage?
too long driving, too damn hungry; a tied-up hound but nothing stays
They aren’t together anymore, he assures, but Valdis cannot help to look away in disbelief. ”Just give it time,” she drawls while forfeiting her inner fight against her emotions, ”she always finds you.” Her eyes flash back to him, ignited by a fierce inner flame. She gropes for her pride and dignity, but it’s slipping through her fingers. Her muscles quiver in restraint as their eyes meet. Valdis holds his gaze for a long moment until it is unbearable and she forces herself to look down instead. ”Sinner,” her voice reduces to a low whisper as everything inside her crumbles away, ”I can share. I don’t know where we stand or what the future holds, but I can share you with anyone… anyone except her.” Valdis immediately hates herself for confessing this, for buckling at the whims of her childish emotions, for even having emotions like this.
A fleeting glance sees the mountain in the far distance, and she wonders if it would be feasible to have her heart ripped from her chest so that she may never experience this.
But isn’t that what makes life enjoyable? The relationships? The adoration for her daughter? The lust for Sinner?
Valdis straightens herself, but avoids looking at him right away. Her mind reels feverishly as though there is a way to recover from this or to retract the turbulent confession. They are no longer together, she echoes in her mind to settle the nerves spiking throughout her body, but it does little to contain her tongue. ”If you want—“ she begins hesitantly as her thoughts dive immediately into harming Mary, but then she stops herself. She must stop. ”Yes, Erio is here,” Valdis quickly diverts, swerving away from pounding herself further into the ground. She feels suddenly so feeble and meek in front of him even as her body radiates confidence. Her thoughts are destructive, dangerous.
With a sigh, Valdis glances back over her shoulder toward a patch of bushes. A quiet call to the boy sends him rushing forward. His eyes are his father’s as he bounds over fallen branches in his hellhound body, but they are bright with excitement. They will never mirror the hard stoicism or fire of his parents. ”Hi!” Erio tries to sit but wiggles excitedly, forcing him to stand again with a wagging tail. Valdis regards their son calmly, but never reaches down to touch him. Her gaze is that of embarrassment but is behind Erio’s view as he focuses on his father. Eventually, she levels her eyes on Sinner as though expecting to be met with disapproval and disappointment. ”He is… small…” it’s in that moment that the boy’s tail stops wagging and his triangular ears flick back sheepishly. His eyes are intelligent, even as they cast down underneath the weight of mother’s scorn. In an attempt to surpass poor judgment, he quickly adds, ”Small but mighty!” Valdis merely frowns and looks away in response.
”I miss my darling Dracarys,” she mutters distantly.
Valdis
@[Sinner]