[open] don't let those butterflies out - any

[lilliana]

Perhaps as she gets older, the failures can be deemed more of the trials and tribulations of life, part of maturing and growing. But for now, they still play in her mind, reminding her over and over again of what she might have done differently. Lilli who had grown up so secure, who was kept so safe and sheltered at the heart of her family, hadn’t been prepared for the events that had played out that winter and that ultimately lead her on the path to where she stands now, following the gold and blue stallion to a place called Taiga.

Perhaps she wasn’t prepared. But that isn’t fair. Who is ever ready for the inevitable when it happens? Lilli had thought that she was being careful with that heart of hers. Keeping it safely guarded because when Broch had looked at her like that, when the blood in her would fire and her heart would race, she remembered her mother as she stood alone under a sky full of stars, thinking that she was hiding the way her heart broke night after night. Love might be an ethereal thing. It might lift a beloved pair above the heavens, there might be beautiful glory in the moments they share. But Lilli had a first-hand account of knowing that it demanded a price. And Lilli, as foolish and silly as she might be with her daydreams, hadn’t been ready to pay it.

And she remembers thinking that there was time. There would always be more time, another day to sort through her emotions and to figure out where things stood with Culloden’s leader.

But then time had reminded her that while it was timeless, it was a linear being. There was no going back, no chance to slow it down or to change it. So now Lilli is here, living with that constant reminder. She follows Wolfbane partly because she has nowhere else to go; she has been alone and now finds herself homeless in Beqanna. The crimson girl has never been one to be a wanderer or a nomad and she finds herself craving interaction, wanting the day to day routine that a herd brings, that belonging somewhere provides. There is something charming about Wolfbane, she thinks, as she follows him. She follows him down the slope, the sand soft and giving beneath her hooves. ”I find that hard to believe,” she teases back, mindful of her steps as they made their way down the river bank.

She listens even as she teases, trying to learn something about Wolfbane of Taiga, trying to glean something from him other than that she finds him intriguing and something in her trusts him. He steps into the water, letting rush past him and Lilli follows, high-stepping and almost dancing in the water as it continues to push past her. His next words are perhaps the most curious to her. He was not born in Taiga. She can understand that not everyone is born into the place they call home, can’t claim generations of ownership. But she wonders what about the trees and the forest would make one like Bane come to dwell in such a place. She smiles back at him, beaming bright and is ready to ask him where he comes from then. But he answers the question for her, somehow knowing that was the direction the conversation was headed.

Her blue eyes widen slightly and her brows rise, ”A volcano?” Beqanna seemed never-ending in its ability to shock her. ”I hope nobody ever fell in,” she retorts, her mind trying to conjure the smoking mountain. A volcano is something she has never seen. Still teasing, she eyes the wings that hang by his golden side. ”Though I suppose a pair of those probably helps,” and she smiles back at him as their voices carry over the bubbling river. He keeps talking and when she is tempted to ask him about his parents, she learns of their passing. He might have come to terms with their passing a long time ago but Lilli stills feel an ache for him. If he turned his head and looked back, he would have seen her slender neck reach for him, to offer the lightest of touches in condolence.

But she stops herself, hesitates and draws her head back because she doesn’t know how her touch would be received and she doesn’t want to (what feels like) ruin her only chance at starting over.

Wolfbane stops and Lilli smiles at him, perhaps a touch forcibly at first but the teasing draws the warmth back out again. She laughs at the use of her own description. She wonders for a moment how she could describe them all, how out of place she had really been in a family full of giants. The water recedes as she moves her way up the other side of the bank and turns back to look at him, ”I’m afraid there isn’t much to tell.” The dual-toned stallion has shared some of his history with her so she does offer some of her own in return: ”I was born in a place far from here. The fourth child of five. I’ve known four homes in just as many years and..” she struggles here, trying to find a way to explain the decisions she made, the events that have led her here. She continues past him, further up the bank and misses him reaching his golden head towards her shoulder.

Had she seen him, she might have frozen, left the moment hanging suspended as she stood unsure. But in the end, the blue eyes would have gone from alarmed to shyly inviting because there is a part of Lilli that would have welcomed his touch, would have wondered what it might have felt like because it has been so long since anyone has touched her. There is a part of her that hungers for that – that wants to feel warm and lovely again.

But instead, her mind dwells and fills with the words that she is trying to find. She pauses at the top of the bank, looking back to Wolfbane, those blue eyes brimming with honesty. ”I couldn’t keep pretending that everything was okay. We kept making the same choices over and over again expecting different results,” and then she laughs, a soft, gentle sound that comes from within the hollow places she tries to bury.  ”It was the definition of insanity and I couldn’t do it anymore. My family called the Forbidden Dale home once so I came to see what happened to it and to see the places they lived.” A smile quirks, apologetic as she waits for him to make his way up the hill. When he finally does come, wanting to change the subject, she asks, ”So why Taiga? What about it made you call it home?”

@[Wolfbane]