All things want to open. [any]

[lilliana]

Perhaps its came from all the days of being alone. Lilli hadn't been prepared for that.

The silence for the young mare had been stifling. There had been nothing to distract from her thoughts, nobody to speak her insecurities and aimless thoughts aloud too. The calming presence of her brother was gone, the children with him, the security of her mother and comfort that Elaina brought that she so often wrapped herself in. All Lilli had known about Beyond is that suddenly a place that used to seem so vast and wide, that held so many possibilities, suddenly felt small. She felt the borders of the mountain realm press against her and everywhere that Lilliana looked seemed pointless. She might not be as noble as her mother, she isn't fleeing persecution or an arranged marriage or even death. But Lilli had seen all the empty spaces around her closing in, all those possibilities of a future vanishing and pushing, pushing, pushing against her, forcing her to take the straight path ahead.

Where would she have gone?

In a daze of hurt and anger, she had seen her future. A broodmare perhaps. Or worse, the spinster sister of Malachi, always smiling on his children. The realization had dawned on her like a new day that she could spend her entire life waiting, quietly abiding by her family and her role in it, waiting for her own chance at life. Or she could be brave, she could be bold like Elaina and seek a different future for herself. Lilli could find her own courage and see what life might offer her elsewhere, another place where she is not Valerio and Aletta's daughter, not Malachi's sister, not the aunt to a a multitude foals. (Of course, these are foolish thoughts. Lilli will always be someones daughter, sister, aunt, cousin - these things can't be erased.) But somewhere past the mountains, away from the life she had known, there is a chance to start over and the freedom in that has liberated Lilli of some the disapointment she has carried.

The words she saws are thoughtless. These moments happen from time to time - that her family is so very far away and the journey here is likely to be only one way. Pain twists on Lilli's face, a flash like a flash of lightning. It is swift to come and unforgiving as wraps around Lilli's heart, causing it to knot in her chest. "My apologies," she murmurs, feeling foolish and the tilt fades, something dulling inside the chestnut mare. "Your right. I'm not sure how anybody would leave here," the words come out softer, each one coming heavier than the last, taking a piece of the girls heart as she speaks. Her gaze leaves Neverwhere then and Lilli instead focuses her vision at the base of a tree, studying the groves and patterns in the distant bark as she tries to quell longing that comes rolling in like a tide.

When she thinks that it won't swallow her,  the finality of saying goodbye to everyone she has ever loved, her home, she looks to the silver mare again. The daydreamer is no longer in the clouds and feels the Earth firmly beneath her, solid and unmoving in its resolution to remind her where she stands. "No," she says, "No magic or plagues for me. And I've never been much of a fighter." Lilli stands alone with her thoughts, letting the sound of water carry on around them. "Does any of it tempt you? Magic? Perhaps a position? Power?" An odd question coming from Lilliana who has never cared about these things before. A bit fanciful with the thoughts of magic perhaps, but she has certainly never wanted it. She can only picture herself as she is: plain and ordinary. But nothing is normal any more and Lilliana only has the unknown now. She might as well explore the possibilities.

@[neverwhere] so i apparently forgot BQ was an island. also, apologies again for her everywhereness.