She wishes that she would just stay mad.
But she softens and it reminds him of the way she looked with tears in her eyes. The way that he had wanted to just hold her quietly, brush away the sadness that he had put there and tell her that everything was going to be okay. How he had wanted to protect her from himself. He doesn’t respond to her mild correction because the title doesn’t matter to him. The fact that she has a title at all is enough for the boy raised by wolves; he had lived within kingdoms but never truly been part of them.
Even now he was nothing more than a lowly soldier.
A soldier who wasn’t even certain about the depth of his commitment.
She goes to leave and he wants to reach out and stop her—wants to tell her that there’s more to him than this rough exterior, but he stops himself. Doesn’t even let himself hope with the way that she is looking at him, the way that her voice trails off at the end. He remains still, lashing down the oceans that churn in his chest and the wild aching that spreads through him. Still even when she delivers the gut punch.
The impact doesn’t show on his face but he feels it rippling throughout him—a simultaneous fury and want and disappointment. “You shouldn’t have, Kensa,” his voice is quieter, the edges not quite as harsh as they have been, and his stormy eyes are earnest when they meet hers. “You really shouldn’t have.”
He means to leave it at that.
Means to just let her leave with that final goodbye—the final warning—but his guards whine underneath the pressure and then creak and then it spills over. Not a lot, but enough.
“I’ve thought of you too,” his voice a hushed whisper, roughened and nearly hoarse.
He hates himself in that moment but he doesn’t trust himself to turn and leave.
Doesn’t trust himself to do anything but stand there, watching the elegant curve of her neck and the way that the light reflects off the gold of it. He just stands there, burning with everything left unsaid.
BRIGADE
when I was a man I thought it ended when I knew love's perfect ache
but my peace has always depended on all the ashes in my wake
@[Kensa]