The surprise that burbles in his throat when Starsin matches his step back is . . . well, it is almost not a surprise. There is something like expectation in the way their skin collides - as if this was only meant to happen, as if their friendship were always teetering over the cliff of sex. He exhales in shock, golden eyes going wide even as he tucks his mouth into her neck. His touch is gentle, even if impossibly hungry. He wants to take his time, to press himself to her for hours, to drift slowly down her sides until they are both sweating with want - because, because -
Perhaps he knows this may not last.
Still, he lives in denial, lives terribly in the moment, does not focus on the repercussions. Kensa may have crossed his mind, and she does (for a moment), but he cannot feel the guilt. Just as Starsin may regret this come morning, the Archon may also. She may know what she is doing, she may have her intentions, but Litotes is merely a tangle of confusion and need. What he has with Kensa is unmatched, and always will be, but he cannot deny the feelings he finds in others. That must be why he only focuses on Starsin, because at his core he is still selfish, and he will not take the time to clear the fog around his desires.
The cremello opens his mouth against the star-girl’s skin (she is sweet, soft, everything he has imagined and more). They wrap around each other, necks pressed roughly together, and the Archon wonders if he could just be satisfied like this (within his hunger, mouth to her shoulder, scent all over his nose and mouth). Fireworks of emotions set blow up his chest and light up his mind, but he pushes them away desperately, clawing at lust in the hopes that this is all there is. Succumbing to whatever may exist between them will mean defeat. It will mean talking, and he fucking sucks at expression, and he knows how Starsin is; it will mean, as all things do, pain.
And so, he begins to pull away, presses his mouth to her ear and whispers, “I want you.” Anything else would be wrong, or too much, or too little, never enough, broken -
Litotes places his mouth between her eyes and trails down her face, landing on her mouth as he forgets everything else in the entire world. They exist as dark and pale, blurs of nothing in a universe that will not give a fucking shit what they do or do not do tonight. He doesn’t move past this, frozen in time and still pushing away a confusion that lingers like a persistent misting.
i don't want your pity, i just want somebody near me
guess i'm a coward, i just want to feel all right
@[Starsin] crying
