06-24-2019, 12:20 AM
She closes her doe-like eyes when his lips brush down her face, still so completely starved for his touch, for his voice, for his everything. There had been a time when she never had to miss him, when most of her days and nights were shared with him at her side. There had been a time when they seemed so concrete, like nothing and no one could ever come between them. She doesn’t know when that tight bond first began to fray, and she doesn’t know why, but she is certain it must have been her fault. The longer he was gone, the longer she had to sink deeper into her self-doubt, until she was drowning in it.
If she could only be prettier, smarter, sharper, maybe he would stay. Maybe he wouldn’t have to look for all the things he is missing, because she could be everything.
“I’m not brilliant,” she whispers into his neck, her voice soft but breaking now with the tears that brim the edge of her eyes before slowly trailing down her copper cheeks. She curls tighter into him, suddenly exhausted from having held herself together for all of these years. She wants so badly to just break apart, to splinter against the edges of him, but all she can manage are the silent tears and the way her body shakes to fight them back. “But I do love you. And even when everything seems so dark, I know you love me, too.” She believes it, because it’s the only way she gets by. The only way she can weather the storms and the darkness by herself – when he is with someone else, or gone entirely – is to tell herself until she believes it.
“Please stay,” there is a plea to her a voice, having disentangled herself from him so that her watery, glittering eyes can capture his. She reaches then to press her lips to the corner of his mouth, before laying her cheek against the flat of his and murmuring, “I’ve missed you so much, I just want you to stay a little longer.” I want you to stay forever, is what she wants to say, but even she knows that is too much to ask, and she could never be so selfish.
P L U M E R I A
when all of the light is gone
a single spark is all I need.
If she could only be prettier, smarter, sharper, maybe he would stay. Maybe he wouldn’t have to look for all the things he is missing, because she could be everything.
“I’m not brilliant,” she whispers into his neck, her voice soft but breaking now with the tears that brim the edge of her eyes before slowly trailing down her copper cheeks. She curls tighter into him, suddenly exhausted from having held herself together for all of these years. She wants so badly to just break apart, to splinter against the edges of him, but all she can manage are the silent tears and the way her body shakes to fight them back. “But I do love you. And even when everything seems so dark, I know you love me, too.” She believes it, because it’s the only way she gets by. The only way she can weather the storms and the darkness by herself – when he is with someone else, or gone entirely – is to tell herself until she believes it.
“Please stay,” there is a plea to her a voice, having disentangled herself from him so that her watery, glittering eyes can capture his. She reaches then to press her lips to the corner of his mouth, before laying her cheek against the flat of his and murmuring, “I’ve missed you so much, I just want you to stay a little longer.” I want you to stay forever, is what she wants to say, but even she knows that is too much to ask, and she could never be so selfish.
when all of the light is gone
a single spark is all I need.