06-13-2019, 05:47 PM
i've never cared for anyone so much
i was born with a bomb inside my gut
She could smile, but surely it would make her teeth ache.
So, she stands at the edge of the field and makes no effort to appear approachable.
Because she wants to be able to say that she made an effort, even if nothing came of it. Though, in fairness, she has no one to answer to but herself.
But she has lived so long without a home, slinking through the shadows as if she might find something of value there. She has been alone so long that she does not know how to unfasten her jaw and speak.
Not that she has anything worth saying. Certainly nothing worth hearing.
She sulks now in the midday sun, eyes half-closed. She’ll stay an hour or two, she thinks, revel in the way the heat of the sun sinks through her skin and unravels the knots of tension in her muscles. Then she’ll move along, find some other place to hide.
She does not trust herself in company. Does not trust herself to know how to behave. Does not trust herself to fall into line. She has lived so long without direction that she does not know now how she might respond to authority. It is not that she is independent or free-spirited, it is simply that she has been a solitary creature her whole life.
She does not eat, does not watch, does not smile. Just lazily swishes her tail to chase away the flies and exhales a deep, world-weary sigh. She waits and she does not know now whether she is the predator or the prey.
