So much of her old self remains trapped behind glass that it is difficult for Leliana to imagine reaching behind it. Difficult to imagine what it must be like to reconnect—although, surely, some day she must. It feels like she has been torn apart and the two halves of her live disconnected and yet together within her breast. Like she is to constantly feel them at war with themselves, magnets that can neither rest nor leave.
It leaves her feeling empty and swollen all at once, and she grows envious of the other mare’s joy. The way that she can look back to her past with such warmth in memory. “That sounds lovely,” is all she says, because to say anything other would threaten the walls she has erected around her heart. The hurt from her childhood—the way that her and her twin sister grew up as near orphans, save Magnus’ watchful eye.
“That doesn’t sound boring at all,” her voice is lower now, breathy and soft on her tongue as she thinks on what it must be like to let yourself grow wild. To become nothing but the soil and the air and the life that grows in the moments in between. To be truly free of the cages in her normal world. To be free.
Her smile grows slightly warmer as the other magician mentions her healing and she closes her golden eyes in thought, thinking about it. “My healing never felt daunting,” she says, although the correction is not unkind. “It was like breathing. As easy as anything I’ve ever done.” Her eyes open again and she focuses on Isilya. “This…this was different. I’ve felt like I’m drowning in it.” The power of it was completely overwhelming and she’s struggled to breathe, to keep her head above water.
But she rolls her shoulders, uncomfortable with the confession.
“I am grateful to have you. I,” she hesitates before continuing, “I have needed a friend.”
@[Isilya]
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