the firestarters always get the burns
and the good guys never get the girl
I know better.
Perhaps he won't admit it, and if that's the case, perhaps I am too early. Yet I will not give up on him, even if he thinks I should. I give a slight shake of my head. He tells me he was weak, and at that point my staring back at him is no longer neutral, but defiant; but I wait. I can wait. I've waited so long for this visit, why not add a few short moments and let him speak what he thinks he is.
When finally he doesn't leave, I nod to him, my face softened, and move closer despite the small inkling in the back of my head that at some point he might turn, might bite me or worse - but I can't find myself caring about that risk, and if he'll let me, I'll give him a hug.
"That wasn't weakness." I breathe in and out slowly, to steady myself for the looks and words that will surely follow, but I won't let him go yet. "You've accepted one side of yourself you always feared before, and that's a good thing. It takes effort and perseverance." I smile, retreating to look into his mismatched gaze, steady as I've ever been. "Now, you only have to accept the part of you that you still fear." He calls it weakness. Vulnerability. After all these years of fearing the dragon part, the monster, it seems that now he fears to be hurt. To love is to be vulnerable. To trust is to open up. Being hurt once, twice perhaps even, for I don't know how much he cared for Solace, is not a good excuse to act like a bully and burn everyone in his path to take what he thinks he needs at the moment.
All I know is that he shut down, and closed off.
I don't know what happened between them, but I can guess. An argument with Sabra about her child would not have placed himself in her good graces. If he'd lashed out then, surely he would be hurt now.
I give him a small nod, look at him a while longer. "Never stop learning, Cas." I add softly. He may be angry all he wants and I won't care. And I think that he knows.
He might as well attack or kill me, but if he does I will have proven my point. Letting the dragon in is one thing; letting it take control is not what he needs. It's time he sees that as well.
@[Castile] someone likes to live dangerously here