01-31-2019, 04:38 PM
It was rare for Dizzy to find herself alone. With three babies to love on and look after, one of whom rarely left her side and two she’d just gotten back, even a moment alone was a rarity. Today though, the girls were with their...well, one of their fathers, and when Defy had an unexpected urge to explore under the guise of making sure their little piece of the island was safe and protected and patrolled, well. She’d encouraged his protective instincts and his curiosity, hoping perhaps he’d make himself a little friend or two in the process. It wasn’t good for him to only really know family, he needed to interact with others.
Or he’d turn out like she had.
She closed her eyes, drawing in a deep breath and letting it out slowly with a soft little sigh. She loved them all. Honestly now, not just the pretty smiles and empty eyes she’d had this time a year ago. Something had shifted in her when she’d almost died; maybe the man who’d worked so hard to break her had broken something else instead. Or too. Who even knew?
Her hair had started to grow back, still short and fine and rough around the edges, the colors bleeding together in an odd stitched pattern that left her feeling haphazardly pieced together, like a patchwork ragdoll. It felt fitting somehow, when her life felt just as pieced together, trying so hard to sew hasty stitches in pieces that didn’t quite match, hold something together instead of letting it all fall apart. The time for secrets had long since passed, and here they were still not quite breaking it all open for fear of the damage the truth would do. The girls weren’t stupid, though, and they weren’t blind.
She just hoped they were resilient, and held them close any chance she got. Just in case.
She should find Zor, though, talk to him, try and...sort things out somehow. Find a way to mend what was broken between them, because...sometimes it felt like everything was broken between them. Just because she didn’t love him the way he wanted didn’t mean she didn’t still love him. But maybe...maybe she had to let him come to her, take the space he needed and come talk when he was ready. Gods knew she couldn’t push him, or make him be okay with something that hurt him so deeply just because she missed him. Just because her heart ached for all the pain she’d caused him.
Probably she should’ve walked, had herself a little wander while everyone else did the same. But she didn’t quite have the heart to today, and just picked a nice shady spot to curl up instead, letting her mind wander and drift instead. Defy was happy here, but he’d be happy anywhere his daddy could find him. Zor and their girls at least hadn’t objected, and why would they object to a beautiful island that was safe from the sickness that swept the world?
Dizzy...hell. She didn’t know what home even meant anymore. This was as good a place as any, better than many, and it was beautiful. It just didn’t...really feel like hers, in her bones, in her chest. She felt like a visitor imposing on the island’s hospitality in a way she never had with the river. Faked it for the kids’ sake, as was her usual approach, but her heart ached at the way nothing felt like home.
Well. Almost nothing. Warmth bloomed in her chest and her cheeks when she heard his footsteps, and her dark eyes opened, settling on him with a softness that still startled her. Her lips curved into a welcoming smile, and she murmured a quiet little, “hey. I missed you.”
Or he’d turn out like she had.
She closed her eyes, drawing in a deep breath and letting it out slowly with a soft little sigh. She loved them all. Honestly now, not just the pretty smiles and empty eyes she’d had this time a year ago. Something had shifted in her when she’d almost died; maybe the man who’d worked so hard to break her had broken something else instead. Or too. Who even knew?
Her hair had started to grow back, still short and fine and rough around the edges, the colors bleeding together in an odd stitched pattern that left her feeling haphazardly pieced together, like a patchwork ragdoll. It felt fitting somehow, when her life felt just as pieced together, trying so hard to sew hasty stitches in pieces that didn’t quite match, hold something together instead of letting it all fall apart. The time for secrets had long since passed, and here they were still not quite breaking it all open for fear of the damage the truth would do. The girls weren’t stupid, though, and they weren’t blind.
She just hoped they were resilient, and held them close any chance she got. Just in case.
She should find Zor, though, talk to him, try and...sort things out somehow. Find a way to mend what was broken between them, because...sometimes it felt like everything was broken between them. Just because she didn’t love him the way he wanted didn’t mean she didn’t still love him. But maybe...maybe she had to let him come to her, take the space he needed and come talk when he was ready. Gods knew she couldn’t push him, or make him be okay with something that hurt him so deeply just because she missed him. Just because her heart ached for all the pain she’d caused him.
Probably she should’ve walked, had herself a little wander while everyone else did the same. But she didn’t quite have the heart to today, and just picked a nice shady spot to curl up instead, letting her mind wander and drift instead. Defy was happy here, but he’d be happy anywhere his daddy could find him. Zor and their girls at least hadn’t objected, and why would they object to a beautiful island that was safe from the sickness that swept the world?
Dizzy...hell. She didn’t know what home even meant anymore. This was as good a place as any, better than many, and it was beautiful. It just didn’t...really feel like hers, in her bones, in her chest. She felt like a visitor imposing on the island’s hospitality in a way she never had with the river. Faked it for the kids’ sake, as was her usual approach, but her heart ached at the way nothing felt like home.
Well. Almost nothing. Warmth bloomed in her chest and her cheeks when she heard his footsteps, and her dark eyes opened, settling on him with a softness that still startled her. Her lips curved into a welcoming smile, and she murmured a quiet little, “hey. I missed you.”