i'm trying to pick myself up piece by piece, ether

[Briseis]

little do you know how I'm breaking while you fall asleep,
little do you know I'm still haunted by the memories,
little do you know I'm trying to pick myself up piece by piece

His silence when he stands and simply watches her is intolerable. She can feel her heartbeat as it thrashes in her chest, the pounding nearly rushing to her head until the irregular beat drowns out the sounds of night around her. But when he speaks, everything seems to stop, and suddenly all she can hear is his quiet voice. The confusion in his words is palpable, and it is like something has taken hold of her heart and is wrenching it mercilessly. She has already hurt him, without even meaning to do so. She had never thought herself deserving of love, had never thought of anything beyond companionship, but after their night in his darkness she had foolishly dared to think that perhaps she was worthy of such a thing. He had offered her something so beautiful, had awoken a dream she had never dared to even dream before, and already she has destroyed it.

He says that he misses her, and he is so close that she can nearly feel the coolness of his shadows, and briefly, she reaches for him. Her satin lips just barely brush the corner of his jaw, and she begins to tremble. Her resilience almost falters, and her muscles twitch like she is maybe going to move forward, into him.

But she doesn’t.

She can hear the unspoken question that lingers at the end of his sentence, and instantly she is deflated. Whatever hope had dared to spark in her heart is extinguished, and she withdraws. ”I made a mistake,” She says as she looks away from him, closing her eyes against the onslaught of anguished emotion that threatens to cripple her. She doesn’t even notice the change in his face, doesn’t realize that he has sensed something entirely different about her. Even if she had, she wouldn’t have had any way of knowing that he was rushing to incorrect conclusions.

When she looks back to him, her eyes glitter with the tears that she will not let fall, and the ache in her throat is enough to split her apart. ”I’m so sorry, Ether.” His name feels almost wrong on her tongue, as though she no longer has the right to whispering something so invaluable. Another step backwards, and it’s like she has put an entire chasm between them, even though he is still right there, within her reach. ”If I could fix it I would, but I can’t.” If she could have never left his shadows, if she would have never even gone to Nerine, perhaps she never would have found herself alone in the Forest afterward, and walking right into the devil’s snare.

BRISEIS

underneath it all I'm held captive by the hole inside,
I've been holding back for the fear that you might change your mind