Let me apologize to begin with...
My skin shivers with the memory of her lips on my spine. It had surprised me, the way that felt. But maybe it shouldn’t. It had always only ever been her, even if I could never tell her. It had been hard enough leaving her last time. I don’t know if I could do it again, not if she knew how I truly felt. So I bury it deep inside, pretend I never even noticed that little touch. It had been barely anything anyway. She might not have even known she was doing it.
We are friends, just friends. Anything else would be too dangerous.
I stared at her hard, throat dry as I try to focus on what she is saying. It has been too long since I’ve been around anyone else. It’s so easy to forget myself. And with her, even easier. She has always had this way about her. A way to make me forget what I am and wish so hard for what I (we) could be. But it’s impossible, I know that. If only my foolish heart would listen too.
The rain of rocks barely seems to bother her, but that had been a little one. They could get worse. So much worse. I never want her to see that. It’s been a long time now, but I’ve become so much better at controlling myself. But I still remember that fire. I remember how much I’d been missing her, how much I’d been hating my life. All of it had been too much. I’d even considering finding her. But the rocks had just rained down on me, endless it seemed like. I’d tried to put the fires out when I realized what I’d done. Tried to make it right. But by morning half the forest had been gone.
That’s when I knew I could never go back.
She ducks her head, crimson locks falling in a little cascade over her features. I swallow at that, trying to wet my dry throat. I almost miss her words, but I rally my attention. There is a sadness in her voice, and it tugs at me. My fault. All my fault. I could never tell her how much I’d wanted to see her these last years.
I smile a little bit then, but the strain has returned. I could never lie to her, but I couldn’t tell her how miserable I’ve been either. No matter how much I want to just pull her close and let her ease all of my loneliness with her presence alone. We didn’t even have to talk, just her being here is enough.
“I’m… surviving,” I finally say, not sure what else to tell her. Clearing my throat, I shift my teal eyes briefly to the forest a little ways in the distance. I continue then, quickly changing the subject for fear she would try to probe too deeply into my non-answer. “Is that… where you’ve been staying?”
What if it is though? She’s been so close this whole time. And yet she might as well have been a million miles away.
Moment
accident-prone son of Offspring and Lirren