10-15-2018, 04:35 PM
Her eyes never left her foal for a moment, not even to spare Leilan a brief glance. She couldn't bring herself to look at him for fear that the tears she tried so hard to keep from falling would fall. For a heartbeat she wondered why Breckin had brought him there. It wasn't her decision to make whether Leilan knows that the foal is his or not. It was Roseen's decision to make. Breckin had no right. But then the spotted mare spoke, and Roseen inwardly scolded herself for her bitter thinking. Of course that's why. Roseen was about to make a very important decision to stay within a Kimgdom; she was about to call Nerine her home. But now that she knew Leilan was there, was she really sure about staying? No, she wasn't. In fact, she wanted to get away and go as far from him as possible so that she could have more time to heal, at least. But there was more to it than whether she could face him or not, and whether this would be her home.
The future of her foal was on the line, even more so than hers. She had already begun to accept she would never know real love due to her heartache, but her foal was so young with a long life ahead of him. He had plenty of time to learn, to grow and be blessed with the things she never had. She couldn't take away his chances from him. So, what was best?
Leilan then stepped forward. Only then did she allow her eyes to spare him a glance, though wary it was. He took Thorgal before she could make any attempt to stop him, but she locked her jaw to keep herself from snapping at him. She didn't like him just waltzing in and acting like a father after all he had done. In all honesty it made her blood boil. But, somehow, all at the same time it made her heart leap to see him taking responsibility, to see him doing so well with a foal. It reminded her of her 'love' for him, despite how much he had trampled on her heart. Is this what he would've been like if he had loved her and become her mate? She could tell he'd be a good father, but he was a lousy stallion.
Finally, the hate in her eyes dissolved as she looked at Breckin with pure sadness, as well as...was that joy? Breckin was a lucky mare. If they ever had a foal of their own she'd have a loyal stallion who will always love her and stand at her side, as well as be a wonderful father. Roseen was admittedly, and regrettably envious of the beautiful mare that had everything she ever wanted. But she was happy for her all at once, simply because she cared for Breckin. Her friendship, no matter how green it was, was too strong and important to her for any anger or jealousy to remain within the sooty bay. She just couldn't bring herself to hate the mare for what she had. Not necessarily Leilan, but love, and a hopeful future. She was also strong. Roseen knew, and could see the pain in Breckin's eyes. It hurt her to know the stallion she loved had a foal with another mare. But she kept her composer and did what was necessary. She didn't let her pain take over, and that was what Roseen admired about her the most.
She looked back at Leilan, her eyes suddenly clear of all tears, but now stern. If there was anyone to be angry at, it was Leilan, aside from herself. She too was to blame, but surely he wasn't stupid enough to not see how she felt. It was painfully obvious, and yet he led her on. Because of his foolishness he had foals -the number of them still unknown to her- with other mares, and now Breckin too was suffering because of him. Roseen had plenty of time to punish herself for her own foolishness, but she didn't have many chances to tell Leilan how she really felt. Deep down she knew she still felt the same about him as before; those feelings weren't so easily forgotten and left behind. And though she still cared for him deeply, she finally allowed herself to feel anger, anger she had kept hidden and denied up until now. She didn't hate him, and truly did hope they'd be friends in the future just as he had mentioned. But did he really expect a warm welcome after what he had done so soon afterwards? Did he expect her to be happy to see the stallion that hurt her? If he did then he was even more foolish than she thought. She wouldn't be warm and kind to him, nit now. Surely she would in the future; she just needed time to heal is all.
However, his words were true. Thorgal needed a father. She just didn't think it should be Leilan. If he ever had a foal with Breckin then he needed to spend all if his time with that family. He couldn't be a real father to Thorgal without neglecting to be a real father to Breckin's foal, because being a father like that is a full time job. Besides, she didn't want Leilan to rub off on Thorgal. She wanted her foal to be better than his father. But true love was out of reach for her, and so she couldn't have a loyal and loving mate that could be a father to Thorgal instead of Leilan. She figured she didn't have much choice. Perhaps he could just help out as a friend instead? He could visit them and such just as a friend would, but she didn't want him acting as a father. Why exactly, she wasn't sure. It was just a gut feeling.
She sighed heavily, eyes hardening as she looked at Leilan. "I would never do such a thing to him," she replied. "I love him more than I could ever love anyone else. He deserves the best. Better than me, and better than you." She almost cringed at her own words, for they had come out more harsh than she intended. Breckin might even take offense, but Roseen needed to get these things off her chest. Silently she hoped the other mare would stay out of it and just allow Roseen to do what needed to be done. She couldn't keep things bottled up any longer, especially if she hoped to be friends with Leilan. They needed to get everything out in the open, be honest with each other. Otherwise nothing would ever be solved.
"I will stay as well, but I don't want Thorgal to have a father that doesn't even love his mother. You can visit and spend time with Thorgal, but as a friend only. To be completely honest, I don't fully trust you. You've already hurt me, so there is nothing that leads me to believe you won't hurt Thorgal," she paused for a moment to take in a deep, steadying breath. Then when she felt she was ready, she continued, "If you are serious about being there for Thorgal, then show me you can be trusted, show me how much you've changed. To what extent can I believe in you?" It wasn't easy for her to say those words; they had left her heart pounding with a queasy feeling in her stomach. But if he was serious, she would give him a chance to prove himself.
The future of her foal was on the line, even more so than hers. She had already begun to accept she would never know real love due to her heartache, but her foal was so young with a long life ahead of him. He had plenty of time to learn, to grow and be blessed with the things she never had. She couldn't take away his chances from him. So, what was best?
Leilan then stepped forward. Only then did she allow her eyes to spare him a glance, though wary it was. He took Thorgal before she could make any attempt to stop him, but she locked her jaw to keep herself from snapping at him. She didn't like him just waltzing in and acting like a father after all he had done. In all honesty it made her blood boil. But, somehow, all at the same time it made her heart leap to see him taking responsibility, to see him doing so well with a foal. It reminded her of her 'love' for him, despite how much he had trampled on her heart. Is this what he would've been like if he had loved her and become her mate? She could tell he'd be a good father, but he was a lousy stallion.
Finally, the hate in her eyes dissolved as she looked at Breckin with pure sadness, as well as...was that joy? Breckin was a lucky mare. If they ever had a foal of their own she'd have a loyal stallion who will always love her and stand at her side, as well as be a wonderful father. Roseen was admittedly, and regrettably envious of the beautiful mare that had everything she ever wanted. But she was happy for her all at once, simply because she cared for Breckin. Her friendship, no matter how green it was, was too strong and important to her for any anger or jealousy to remain within the sooty bay. She just couldn't bring herself to hate the mare for what she had. Not necessarily Leilan, but love, and a hopeful future. She was also strong. Roseen knew, and could see the pain in Breckin's eyes. It hurt her to know the stallion she loved had a foal with another mare. But she kept her composer and did what was necessary. She didn't let her pain take over, and that was what Roseen admired about her the most.
She looked back at Leilan, her eyes suddenly clear of all tears, but now stern. If there was anyone to be angry at, it was Leilan, aside from herself. She too was to blame, but surely he wasn't stupid enough to not see how she felt. It was painfully obvious, and yet he led her on. Because of his foolishness he had foals -the number of them still unknown to her- with other mares, and now Breckin too was suffering because of him. Roseen had plenty of time to punish herself for her own foolishness, but she didn't have many chances to tell Leilan how she really felt. Deep down she knew she still felt the same about him as before; those feelings weren't so easily forgotten and left behind. And though she still cared for him deeply, she finally allowed herself to feel anger, anger she had kept hidden and denied up until now. She didn't hate him, and truly did hope they'd be friends in the future just as he had mentioned. But did he really expect a warm welcome after what he had done so soon afterwards? Did he expect her to be happy to see the stallion that hurt her? If he did then he was even more foolish than she thought. She wouldn't be warm and kind to him, nit now. Surely she would in the future; she just needed time to heal is all.
However, his words were true. Thorgal needed a father. She just didn't think it should be Leilan. If he ever had a foal with Breckin then he needed to spend all if his time with that family. He couldn't be a real father to Thorgal without neglecting to be a real father to Breckin's foal, because being a father like that is a full time job. Besides, she didn't want Leilan to rub off on Thorgal. She wanted her foal to be better than his father. But true love was out of reach for her, and so she couldn't have a loyal and loving mate that could be a father to Thorgal instead of Leilan. She figured she didn't have much choice. Perhaps he could just help out as a friend instead? He could visit them and such just as a friend would, but she didn't want him acting as a father. Why exactly, she wasn't sure. It was just a gut feeling.
She sighed heavily, eyes hardening as she looked at Leilan. "I would never do such a thing to him," she replied. "I love him more than I could ever love anyone else. He deserves the best. Better than me, and better than you." She almost cringed at her own words, for they had come out more harsh than she intended. Breckin might even take offense, but Roseen needed to get these things off her chest. Silently she hoped the other mare would stay out of it and just allow Roseen to do what needed to be done. She couldn't keep things bottled up any longer, especially if she hoped to be friends with Leilan. They needed to get everything out in the open, be honest with each other. Otherwise nothing would ever be solved.
"I will stay as well, but I don't want Thorgal to have a father that doesn't even love his mother. You can visit and spend time with Thorgal, but as a friend only. To be completely honest, I don't fully trust you. You've already hurt me, so there is nothing that leads me to believe you won't hurt Thorgal," she paused for a moment to take in a deep, steadying breath. Then when she felt she was ready, she continued, "If you are serious about being there for Thorgal, then show me you can be trusted, show me how much you've changed. To what extent can I believe in you?" It wasn't easy for her to say those words; they had left her heart pounding with a queasy feeling in her stomach. But if he was serious, she would give him a chance to prove himself.
For Thorgal's sake.
@[Leilan] @[Nalia] @[Breckin] So sorry for keeping y’all waiting...also, phone post